Belinda’s Crush

A Short Play

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Cast of Characters

Belinda: Late 30s/early 40s; thick, debutant southern accent.

Edie: Late teens/early 20s; thick, debutant southern accent.

Scene

Belinda and Edie are two drag queens in the deep south. They have just finished a show and are discussing Belinda’s newest fan.

Staging

The backstage of a small theater. Vanity with stools. A cluttered, lived in space that looks messy and unorganized but is known intimately by Belinda and Edie.

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Lights.

(The sounds of the show coming to an end can be heard, applause and cheers, music dying down.)

Announcer (off)

Let’s have another round of applause for our lovely girls!

(Belinda and Edie enter left, coming from the stage. Belinda sits at right, Edie stays back near the stage. As they speak, they remove their outfits, wigs, makeup, everything.)

Belinda

My oh my, the can-can number has done me in again.

Edie

(looking back onto the stage)

Belinda, is that your little wishing well out there?

Belinda

Oh, the one in the hat?

Edie

I saw him seeing you.

Belinda

He’s more than seeing me, Edie. I had Marcus give him my number.

Edie

Oh, Marcus is security! He’s supposed to be securing you from the onlookers and the oglers.

Belinda

Well, he did me a little favor.

Edie

He sure did.

(Edie goes and takes a robe from a hook in the wall. As she’s removing her dress…)

So has this onlooking ogler left you a witty word?

Belinda

In fact, he has.

(Belinda rummages, finds her phone on the counter. Edie undresses and gets into the robe as she listens.)

He texted me before the show: ‘My Dearest Lindy, if the space between us can be cut into halves, and that space cut into quarters, then into eighths, and so on and so forth for as long as numbers go on, does that mean there is an infinite amount of space between us? An infinite amount of space between everything? And does that mean that nothing can ever touch and nothing ever has before? That no two beings have ever been able to reach across these infinite distances and truly know the presence of the other? If not, I would like to be the first with you. Most Sincerely, Chet.’

(A soft beat.)

Edie

His name is Chet?

Belinda

Yes. He’s a little Republican boy. Says he’s going to be Governor one day.

Edie

Wait. What do you mean ‘little’? Like a child?

Belinda

No, I mean short. Bit of a dandy. You know the type.

Edie

Oh, sure. All fidgety and worked up about something.

Belinda

He’s also an existentialist, which I find much more irritating.

Edie

Oh my God, don’t tell me you believe in God.

Belinda

I believe in essence before existence. To me, we’re all created out of one –

Edie

(removing wig, examining)

Mold?

Belinda

That’s one way to put it.

Edie

No, deary. I think there’s mold in my wig.

Belinda

(glancing)

That happened to Paula just the other day.

Edie

Something’s going around?

Belinda

No, you’ve just got to spray it with the stuff Kendra uses on her feet. Kills anything.

Edie

It’s like a baseball dugout in here.

(Edie begins searching for something to spray her wig with.)

Belinda

But the little Republican boy believes the opposite, Miss Edie.

Edie

And what are the conclusions of this kind of thinking, Miss Belinda?

Belinda

Existence before essence. Means we’re made entirely of our own choice.

Edie

Excuse me? I don’t remember choosing anything. I –

(Belinda stands and removes her dress.)

Belinda

No, dear. It means we’re of our own design. Out of our own build.

Edie

Okay.

(Edie finds the spray. Makes a mess of it in her wig. They wave the cloud away and both sit back at the mirrors.)

Belinda

Sort of a hopeless point of view, if you ask me.

Edie

Why’s that?

Belinda

It means everything is our fault. Every wrong that has occurred, we chose it.

Edie

Hm.

Belinda

What are you hm-ing on, Edie?

Edie

I don’t right know.

Belinda

What dontcha know, Edie?

Edie

Well…if we chose the bad, that means we chose the good right?

Belinda

I guess.

Edie

And that means we’re always choosing between the bad and the good. Which means we could always choose the good, it’s always an option. No matter what.

Belinda

Whatcha getting at?

Edie

Well, I used to think some things were just plain bad. And there was nothing you could do about them. I guess the Republican boy is saying that anything is possible.

Belinda

That’s a fine fancy way of thinkin’ about things, Edie.

Edie

What would you say to it all?

Belinda

I’d say that’s a fine fancy way of thinking about things.

Edie

It doesn’t make you believe anything is possible?

(A beat as Belinda thinks.)

Belinda

I guess if you asked me at sunrise I’d say one thing, and at sunset I’d say another.

Edie

That’s fair.

(Beat.)

Which do you prefer?

Belinda

Which of what do I prefer?

Edie

A sunrise or sunset?

Belinda

Why are you asking?

Edie

Come on! It says a lot about you, Lindy.

Belinda

Okay, don’t fluster me. Let me think on it.

(Belinda stands, begins pacing while in thought.)

Well, it used to be sunsets. When things were rough, I liked when the day was over. That I made it, you know? But when things are good for me, I like sunrises. I like thinking about what’s coming.

Edie

See. That’s why he’s sweet on you.

Belinda

(mocking)

‘Sweet on me?’

Edie

It’s what my stepdaddy would say is how he felt about mama.

Belinda

That’s cute.

Edie

Only thing he did different than my real daddy. Apparently, that was enough. For a little while.

(They light cigarettes and smoke, each halfway removed from their drag outfits.)

Makes sense a little Republican existentialist would have a crush on you, Belinda.

Belinda

Makes sense, does it Edie?

Edie

Because he likes what you’ve built yourself into.

Belinda

I didn’t pull on no bootstraps to look like this.

Edie

Built is built, girl.

Belinda

That’s the thing. He’s only ever seen me done up.

Edie

Really?

Belinda

I know! And he’s come to the show every night this week!

Edie

I’ve seen him. Front row center. Clutching his hands together like mother’s pearls. Looking up at you, his tail all bushy.

Belinda

He’s got kind eyes.

Edie

You see, it makes sense. Don’t it?

Belinda

Give me change, Edith. Make some sense.

Edie

You’re what he hopes a woman will be. Big lips, big tits, huge hair. Dancing and lunging all night, then back behind a curtain to disappear.

Belinda

That’s a little simple, isn’t it?

Edie

Well it’s not like I was running the risk of over-complicating things.

Belinda

Oh, you’re pickin’ on him!

Edie

And you’re sweet on him, too!

Belinda

Hush now!

Edie

A little bit?

Belinda

I just think it’s sad is all.

Edie

Why’s that?

Belinda

Because they all wantin’ the same thing.

Edie

But what they want ain’t real. They’re all fidgety and worked up over a woman on that stage and then we come back here and take it off.

Belinda

You think that’s true?

Edie

Nobody has to actually think about the truth, Lindy. It just is.

(Belinda sits back down, looks into the mirror.)

Belinda

They all seem so sad and confused.

Edie

Things that seem a way usually are that way. Mama’d say that all the time.

(Phone chimes, Belinda looks at the message.)

What did he say now?

Belinda

He asked: ‘If I could trade in the regrets of my life for more years to live, would I?’

Edie

Would that be considered existential?

Belinda

Is it ever! Bow howdy, I don’t know how to answer.

Edie

If you’re all existence and no essence, then you can’t trade anything in and hope to get back to the same place.

Belinda

But if I am who I am long before I ever am, that means it don’t matter.

Edie

Ask him what his answer would be.

Belinda

(as she’s typing) Imagine all the little boys like him –

Edie

Little boys, and he’s not a child? Now, are you sure?

Belinda

I’m sure. Now, imagine all of them out there, going to find their own drag juke joint, out lookin’ for their own Belinda –

Edie

Hoping they don’t get seen. Hoping they don’t get caught.

Belinda

Yes. But all hoping to catch the same thing. A glimpse of what they dream for in the real world but can’t ever find –

Edie

Because it doesn’t exist.

Belinda

It’s so sad.

Edie

Easy, don’t going tryin’ to save anyone now.

(Phone chimes.)

What did he say?

Belinda

(from her phone)

‘We are woven like tapestries, and to remove any stitching would compromise the being itself. Remove enough, and the being disintegrates.’

(Silence as they take it in.)

Edie

Hm.

Belinda

You’re hm-ing again, Edie

Edie

It’s just…

Belinda

What’s just?

Edie

That’s the word people said about daddy when mama left him. Real daddy, not stepdaddy.

Belinda

What’s that?

Edie

They said he disintegrated. Such a particular word.

Belinda

Such a particular thing to do, I’d say.

Edie

Only saw daddy once after mama left him. And he wasn’t no disintegrated somethin’ or nothin’ like it.

Belinda

Where was that?

Edie

Some train station.

Belinda

Train station where?

Edie

Couldn’t tell ya. Looked to be about in the middle of nowhere, but I remember it didn’t take long to get to.

Belinda

You sound too young for the whole thing.

Edie

I don’t know. Maybe just the right age.

Belinda

You remember it?

Edie

I do. There weren’t many people there, but they were all waiting for the same train. It was the only one on the board. And they all kept looking up to see if it was on time.

Belinda

Was it?

Edie

Yes, it was.

Belinda

And your daddy was waitin’ on that train?

Edie

He was. He kept lookin’ up at that board too. But he didn’t look too excited to be gettin’ on. In fact, nobody did.

Belinda

Did he have any bags with him?

Edie

Excuse me?

Belinda

Any luggage? With his things?

Edie

No. Not that I can remember.

Belinda

Did he say anything?

Edie

Nope.

Belinda

How’d he look?

Edie

As much the same for the short-long while I knew him. But something had changed.

Belinda

Then maybe it was you lookin’ different.

(Beat.)

Edie

Maybe that’s it.

Belinda

Maybe what’s it?

Edie

Maybe it wasn’t him that disintegrated, but everything in front of him. What was once there just disappeared.

Belinda

Poof.

Edie

Except him. He stayed the same. (beat) Boy howdy, could you imagine something like that?

(The phone chimes.)

What’s the word this time?

Belinda

He said he’d like to see me.

(By now they are fully dressed in streetclothes. Sweatpants, sneakers, hats, backpacks, etc.)

Edie

My oh my. Do you think he’s waiting outside for you?

Belinda

He’s been waiting outside all week.

Edie

And why haven’t you spoken to him?

Belinda

It ain’t me he’s waitin’ on!

Edie

Oh. Right.

Belinda

Oh right is right.

Edie

So you’re going to walk out there, walk right on past him, and he won’t notice a god forsaken thing? Just be standing there wishing on –

Belinda

Belinda.

Edie

Oh right is wrong.

Belinda

Edie, hunny, I’ve been doing it every night this week. And, honestly, he’s not the first one.

Edie

Oh, it is so sad.

Belinda

That’s what I’m saying! To want something that doesn’t exist so you end up loving something that’s always disappearing.

Edie

Maybe it is hopeless for them.

Belinda

Now you’ve gone and given up? First it was just me.

Edie

First you was right.

Belinda

No, no, no. I never said ‘hopeless’.

Edie

You said ‘sort of’.

Belinda

Okay, so what’s sort of hopeless. Hope-misplaced?

Edie

Oh. So you’re saying they could find it again.

Belinda

Find it. Or maybe somebody could just give it back to them.

Edie

But when the time is right.

Belinda

Yes, when the time is right.

Edie

Or maybe when they deserve it.

Belinda

That too.

(Belinda goes and types on her phone.)

Edie

What are you saying?

Belinda

I said: ‘Dearest Chet, My regrets are not mine, as I share them with the whole of everything. Therefore, they are not mine to bargain with, not mine to scoundrel, will never be mine to withhold from others. And as for the years in my life, I see them much the same…Meet me at the bar for a drink.’

Edie

Oh, is Miss Belinda going to give it back to him?

Belinda

We’ll see, we’ll see.

(They gather their things and begin to exit, left.)

Edie

When mama left stepdaddy, that was when we got it back. Or I guess mama got it back and I felt it for the first time.

Belinda

Nothing like the first time, am I right, sugar?

Edie

He’s the one who said he was sweet on her. For all I know, that part was true.

Belinda

You said it made all the difference.

Edie

And yet, the same thing happened.

(Beat.)

Is that existential?

Belinda

Darling, the word has lost all meaning

Edie

Or did it misplace its meaning?

Belinda

It’s all a little misplaced, isn’t it?

Edie

I guess so.

(They exit.)

Lights.

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