Get The Belt Stage: The Borowski’s home. A kitchen with an attached sitting candles are lit. After silent prayer, they sit. MRS. BOROWSKI MRS. BOROWSKI CHESTER [Chuckling} That was fifty years ago. CHESTER Get the belt! Dad, we don’t have – We should try to get home before the roads get too dangerous. [Speaking to ESTELLE’s stomach] Hello, pretty baby, hello! You
room and the front door to stage left. There is a circular table
with four chairs where the Borowski’s will sit. In the sitting
room, there are puffy chairs, a sofa, a coffee table, and
windows to outside. Style is middle-class, comfortable, neat.
Characters:
The Borowski family are Jewish and small in stature. They’re
EXTREMELY gentle, kind, good-humored, and charming people. They
don’t hold prejudice and are constantly joking and winking
amongst themselves. They treat the Chester’s generously.
Borowski: Jewish man, husband to MRS. BOROWSKI, father to
ESTELLE, small, round, and gentle. 60s.
MRS. BOROWSKI: Jewish woman, wife to BOROWSKI, mother to
ESTELLE, small, accommodating, humored. 60s.
ESTELLE: Jewish young woman, daughter to BOROWSKI and MRS.
BOROWSKI, thin, pleasant. Late 20s.
CHESTER: Man, husband to MRS. CHESTER, father to ARTHUR, tall
and thin, dressed nicely, authoritative. 60s.
MRS. CHESTER: Woman, wife to CHESTER, mother to ARTHUR, thin and
blonde, nervy, hysterical. 60s.
ARTHUR: Young man, son to CHESTER and MRS. CHESTER, tall and
thin as his father, nervous and stuttering, very kind. 30s.
ESTELLE
I didn’t mean to rush you, Dad, but Arthur will be here soon.
BOROWSKI
There wasn’t any rushing.
ESTELLE
[Stifling smile] I could see you hurrying.
BOROWSKI
[Chuckling] Nonsense!
MRS. BOROWSKI
I hope they’re hungry. Dinner is coming along nicely.
ESTELLE
[Shyly] Arthur said he was picking them up from the club –
BOROWSKI
The club? … More for me then.
ESTELLE
No, Dad, Arthur made sure to tell them on dinner.
MRS. BOROWSKI
Well, we have a wonderful salmon for them.
BOROWSKI
Salmon? What’s the occasion for that?
MRS. BOROWSKI
They were picking at the roast the last time we had them.
BOROWSKI
[Mock incredulity] They didn’t like the roast? How dare them!
MRS. BOROWSKI
I’m afraid they don’t like anything I cook.
ESTELLE
Arthur does!
BOROWSKI
Lier! You’re marrying a liar, Este! [Laughing happily]
Arthur is too polite for his own good.
BOROWSKI
I don’t even like it as much as he says it does.
MRS. BOROWSKI
Well, I got the fresh catch. The fisher was lopping its head –
BOROWSKI
Yes, and how much did it cost?
MRS. BOROWSKI
I’m afraid that you won’t be retiring anytime soon.
BOROWSKI
What about our nice retirement plans in Miami?
MRS. BOROWSKI
There won’t be any Florida for you.
ESTELLE
Thank God! More fish, Mom, for the love of God!
[Laughing and sighing, a moment as they observe the candles]
ESTELLE
I don’t know if they will be hungry for dinner.
MRS. BOROWSKI
I was kidding you, Este. Let me go check on it. [Rising]
[ARTHUR knocks, enters, and greets ESTELLE with a kiss, BOROWSKI
with a handshake, MRS. BOROWSKI with a happy hug]
Arthur, I was just now checking on our salmon!
ARTHUR
I made sure to tell them on dinner, but I don’t think –
BOROWSKI
Sit, Arthur. Don’t worry about any of that.
ARTHUR
I swore I told them.
[Chuckling] And where are they? Did you leave them behind?
[Arthur stands and looks through window]
ARTHUR
They’re coming … I swear I told them we were to have dinner.
BOROWSKI
Don’t worry, Arthur. [Joining him at window to look] I hope the
walk isn’t so icy for them. I made sure to salt it.
ARTHUR
[Shyly] I believe they had a drink or two at the club.
[Noises of people talking and laughing are heard outside]
[Sits, takes ESTELLE’S hand] How are you feeling?
ESTELLE
Arthur, don’t you want to help your parents?
ARTHUR
[Sharply, nervously] Yes, I should go. Excuse me.
[ARTHUR exits. All sit quietly. Eventually, ARTHUR leads CHESTER
and MRS. CHESTER: jolly, laughing, inebriated]
ARTHUR
Come on in … Careful now, Mom … Is everyone hungry?
[All stand to greet the Chester’s]
[MRS. CHESTER slumps into chair. CHESTER paces]
CHESTER
Forgot on dinner, didn’t we.
MRS. CHESTER
We sure did. I damn forgot all about tonight and said to –
CHESTER
Cussing! How dare you! [Breaks into hysterical laughter]
MRS. CHESTER
Damn, damn, damn – I can say what I want!
[Bluntly] You have the right. [Sitting]
MRS. CHESTER
Don’t blame us! The table ordered oysters and pigs-in-a-blanket
– we couldn’t sit all quiet and say, ‘no, no, none for us.’
CHESTER
No, that wouldn’t have been right, wouldn’t it?
ARTHUR
[Quietly] I did say that we were to have dinner –
BOROWSKI
Don’t worry at all. It must’ve been a good time over there.
CHESTER
Usual fun and games. [Sighing] I wish we could’ve stayed –
MRS. CHESTER
What a thing to say to our friends!
CHESTER
Friends? No, these are our family. Isn’t that right?
BOROWSKI
Absolutely … Would you care for a –
CHESTER
We’re family. That’s right.
MRS. CHESTER
Goddamn the rightest thing if you want to know what I think!
BOROWSKI
I’m glad you had a good time at your –
MRS. CHESTER
Won’t you blow out those candles! I’m scared to death of fire.
ARTHUR
Mom, the candles are perfectly safe.
MRS. CHESTER
That horrible fire that burned up my childhood home!
CHESTER
MRS. CHESTER
[Covering her eyes] Please, won’t you put them out!
MRS. BOROWSKI
It’s perfectly alright. [Puts out Shabbat candles]
CHESTER
[Chuckling] It sure was a good time at the club.
BOROWSKI
You shouldn’t have run out on your friends for us.
CHESTER
[Starkly] No, we had plans with you. We sure did.
MRS. CHESTER
Well, I was having a good time – You should’ve heard the funny
thing Wormwood was telling us –
BOROWSKI
You have a friend named ‘Wormwood’?
CHESTER
Of course, her name isn’t ‘Wormwood.’ It’s a nickname.
MRS. CHESTER
I don’t even know why you would bring up that ‘Wormwood.’
CHESTER
Who knows? … Didn’t you bring her up?
MRS. CHESTER
That ‘Wormwood’ is a funny, old girl.
CHESTER
She wasn’t so funny tonight.
MRS. CHESTER
Oh, what do you mean?
CHESTER
The baptism. Can’t you remember? The goddamn baptism.
MRS. CHESTER
Poor old ‘Wormwood” – always worrying over this and that!
The baptism.
MRS. CHESTER
The baptism?
CHESTER
That damn baptism. That’s right, that’s right. What did she say?
The baptism will release you from … from what? What did Wormwood
say? From the tyranny of the devil.
MRS. CHESTER
That’s what she said. The devil. Sure enough, she said it.
ARTHUR
This isn’t the time to discuss this, I don’t think.
MRS. CHESTER
Mrs. Wormwood knows what she’s talking on, that Mrs. Wormwood.
CHESTER
The baptism is important. The most important thing.
MRS. CHESTER
Well, then go and tell them then.
CHESTER
I am. I will. The baptism sure is important and –
ARTHUR
Dad, dinner should be soon and I hope you’re hungry –
MRS. CHESTER
I’ve eaten. I’ve eaten enough for tonight!
[CHESTER has fallen into silence. Awkwardness sets in]
BOROWSKI
Would you like a little dessert?
CHESTER
[Loudly] Speaking of that Mrs. Wormwood, I was telling the old
story around to them earlier. How whenever I was bad as a child,
my mother would scream – [To MRS. CHESTER] You say it.
MRS. CHESTER
CHESTER
[Laughing] Again! Again!
MRS. CHESTER
Get the belt!
CHESTER
Yes, about like that. [Laughing with reminisce] And my poor
father would trudge up the stairs and throw me into the
bathroom. [Standing, he takes his belt off and holds it out]
Well, you must know the punchline by now, don’t you?
MRS. CHESTER
Get the belt!
CHESTER
No, not you! Don’t say it now. Only when I tell you.
MRS. CHESTER
Get the belt!
CHESTER
[Nodding] That’s right. Then he would! [Suddenly, enraged, he
beats the empty chair with the belt, many times! Then, he calms]
Just like that. Again and again against the wall, the toilet,
the bathtub! Mother was a funny old woman, thinking I was
getting beaten half to death. [He collapses, tired, chuckling]
I’ve been thinking seriously about the baptism. It’ll be done.
ARTHUR
Dad, I don’t believe this is the right time to talk of this.
MRS. CHESTER
Everyone was howling with laughter. [Shouting] Get the belt!
CHESTER
Yeah, that belt.
MRS. CHESTER
Go get it! Get the belt!
CHESTER
[Severely] The baptism. I’ve made the decision. It must be done.
ARTHUR
MRS. CHESTER
Get the belt!
CHESTER
[Quietly] That’s right. Get the belt. That’s right. [Sighing]
We’ve been soft-pedaling it, I think, on this goddamn baptism.
BOROWSKI
She is as much as your grandchild as she will be ours.
CHESTER
She will be baptized, I know now. I insist on it.
MRS. CHESTER
Baptized in Christ.
CHESTER
That’s right. Baptized in Christ.
MRS. CHESTER
That’s what Mrs. Wormwood said.
CHESTER
Mrs. Wormwood is smarter than she looks. She’s wise.
ARTHUR
If you ate already at the club, perhaps we should go home. The
Borowski’s have yet to have their dinner and –
CHESTER
If you want your dinner, you go have it.
MRS. CHESTER
My husband is kidding, of course. Please don’t eat in front –
CHESTER
I’m not kidding. You eat! I insist.
MRS. CHESTER
[Whispering] It would be impolite if they ate –
CHESTER
They can eat if they want. Let them eat!
ARTHUR
CHESTER
Eat your dinner!
MRS. CHESTER
My husband is joking, of course. Please don’t eat in front –
CHESTER
That goddamn baptism. It’s been on my mind. Something Mrs.
Wormwood said – she’s certain. Baptized in Christ. Hey, I know
we got religious differences, but you better know –
ARTHUR
[Sharply] Dad, it’s not the time right now.
BOROWSKI
Yes, we have a tradition of baptism too, ritual purification –
CHESTER
[Tiredly] Baptism in Christ, not whatever you do.
ARTHUR
Dad, we should put this conversation on hold –
BOROWSKI
No, no – I’m glad that you’ve said what you believe.
[MRS. BOROWSKI and ESTELLE both nod]
This is an important discussion we should have.
CHESTER
[Almost comatosely drunk] Baptized to Christ.
MRS. CHESTER
[Standing, going to ESTELLE] I mean, you certainly don’t wish
that your baby goes to Hell, don’t you?
ESTELLE
I’m glad you’ve said what you think. There shouldn’t be any
resentment between us, I don’t think.
BOROWSKI
Of course, not. There certainly shouldn’t be any.
MRS. CHESTER
don’t want to go to Hell, do you?
ARTHUR
Mom – Este doesn’t like that.
CHESTER
I’m not goddamn kidding about that baptism. I’m not joking.
BOROWSKI
We understand.
[CHESTER looks asleep. MRS. CHESTER lingers by ESTELLE, looking
at her somewhat condescendingly. The others sit plainly]
ARTHUR
[Quietly] I think we should leave them for dinner.
MRS. BOROWSKI
[Smiling at ARTHUR] Nobody needs to rush out quite yet.
ARTHUR
Thank you, but I think we should –
MRS. CHESTER
[Suddenly] Look at the snowfall!
CHESTER
[Up and active] Look at it!
MRS. CHESTER
I want to see! I want to see! [Runs to window]
CHESTER
Mrs. Wormwood said it was going to come down, didn’t she?
MRS. CHESTER
And you said it wouldn’t! Mrs. Wormwood knows more than you!
CHESTER
Mrs. Wormwood outsmarted me again! Let’s go see it!
MRS. CHESTER
Yes! Yes! Yes! [Running to door. Running back, to ESTELLE, she
speaks to her stomach] Don’t you want to see the pretty snow?
[Taking ESTELLE, dragging her to the door]
A snowman! That’s what I’ll make! A snowman!
[CHESTER, MRS. CHESTER (With ESTELLE) exit]
ARTHUR
I better see on them. [Starts, turns back] I don’t – I – I –
BOROWSKI
[Chuckling] It’s alright, Arthur.
ARTHUR
I – I – I better go see on Este.
[ARTHUR exits. BOROWSKI and MRS. BOROWSKI titter]
BOROWSKI
It wasn’t so bad tonight, don’t you think?
MRS. BOROWSKI
[Rolling eyes] I better go see on dinner. [Rising]
[ESTELLE returns and sits. MRS. BOROWSKI returns. The three of
them exchange humorous looks and listen calmly to them outside]
Not so bad tonight, don’t you think?
BOROWSKI
She stole my line.
ESTELLE
Baptism. [Wearily puts her head on the table. Rising, she laughs
until they all are] Again with that.
BOROWSKI
The water is only holy if you want it to be.
[They laugh quietly, but cheerfully, as outside noise continues]
[CURTAIN]
BOROWSKI, MRS. BROWOSKI, and ESTELLE stand as the Shabbat
CHESTER