lover’s flight

Play By Joel Fishbane

 
CHARACTERS

A HUSBAND – a man in his 40s
A WIFE – a woman in her 40s
A MAN – a youthful fantasy in his 20s.
BRIDGET – a youthful fantasy in her 20s.


I

HUSBAND and WIFE are in the bedroom.

HUSBAND
I am sorry I got so ugly and old.

WIFE
Well I’m sorry I stayed young and beautiful.

HUSBAND
You did, you know, you really did.

WIFE
No. Not like some.

HUSBAND
Everyone else is a cow.

WIFE
Even Bridget?

HUSBAND
What’s that?

WIFE
Nothing. Did you pay the phone bill?

HUSBAND
You’re not still thinking of her.

WIFE
Are you?

HUSBAND
She’s nothing.

WIFE
She’s young and beautiful.

HUSBAND
I hadn’t noticed.

WIFE
Our son likes her.

HUSBAND
Our son takes drugs.

WIFE
He has a crush on her. You can tell.

HUSBAND
And?

WIFE
Like father, like son.

HUSBAND
Stop being a cliché.

WIFE
Is that what I’m being?

HUSBAND
Look I have a beautiful secretary. Lots of men do, it’s not a crime.

WIFE
I’ll never understand why you men always need secretaries. All those years at business
school. Didn’t they teach you how to type?

HUSBAND
She knows you don’t like her.

WIFE
That’s because I don’t. Do you really think I’m a cliché?

HUSBAND
Is a bird in the hand worth two in the bush?

WIFE
I don’t say that. Do I? I do. I’m a cliché. The housewife cliché. The house, the boys, our
little dog. And I try so hard not to get sucked in. Sometimes I buy eggplant just to be
diferent. You can’t be a cliché if you buy eggplant. One can be as American as apple pie,
but anyone who likes eggplant is always an original.
(Pause)
You really don’t think about her?

HUSBAND (Glancing in a mirror)

I was so handsome in the war. There was a time when I was built like a God.
WIFE (amused)
Which one?

HUSBAND
Oh I don’t know. One of those strong, good looking ones who can handle a thunderbolt
without getting hurt.

WIFE
Remember my legs? And my breasts! Sometimes I could get away with not wearing a
bra. My breasts were always where they needed to be, all on their own.

HUSBAND
I love you very much.

WIFE
You never answered my question.

HUSBAND
There is nothing to answer. The thought of Bridget at the typewriter does not appeal to
me. You still have the legs you had when you were young.

WIFE
What about my breasts?

HUSBAND
I could never like a woman who doesn’t wear a bra. I would find it very suspicious.
He kisses her. They begin making
love….and downstage, on the Husband’s
side of the bed, BRIDGET appears in a
spotlight. She is seated at a small typewriter.
She gets up to do something and realizes
she’s wearing a beautiful slinky dress.

BRIDGET
Huh. I don’t remember putting that on.

HUSBAND
Is it all right?

WIFE
It’s fine. Why wouldn’t it be all right?
Downstage on the WIFE’s side of the bed, a
MAN appears in a spotlight. Shirtless, sexy,
etc. He looks over and sees BRIDGET.

MAN
Hey.

BRIDGET
Hi.

MAN
That’s a remarkable dress.

BRIDGET
You know, I don’t think it’s mine. I have no memory of buying it. Who are you?

MAN
You think he’s the only one thinking of someone else?
The MAN looks around, as if to see if
anyone is watching. Then he exits his
spotlight and crosses over into BRIDGET’s.
His spotlight remains: the emptiness is
important.

MAN
Hello again.

BRIDGET
How did you do that?

MAN
I saw you in that dress and I couldn’t resist.

BRIDGET
But how did you do it?

MAN
Do you always ask so many questions?

BRIDGET
I’m inquisitive. He finds it erotic. Do you work for her?

MAN
Nah, she saw me in the park.

BRIDGET
This is so weird.

MAN
First time?

BRIDGET
Isn’t it yours?

MAN
Nah. I’ve been in a dozen fantasies. I have that look. Women respond to me.

BRIDGET
That must keep you pretty busy.

MAN
Uh-huh. She’s been thinking about me for the better half of the week. Sometimes when
she buys eggplant. It’s very strange. How old are you?

BRIDGET
In real life I’m thirty-seven. Do I look thirty-seven?

MAN
You do not look thirty-seven.

BRIDGET
I think he made me younger. And look at this. He got rid of that thing on my leg. I had
this thing on my leg and he got rid of it. My legs are perfect. And, you know, I don’t
believe I’m wearing a bra.
(Pause. She admires herself.)
You should probably get back there.

MAN
Am I disturbing you?

BRIDGET
No, but he’ll be along any minute. That’s how these dreams of his go. I’m typing
feverishly. There’s a letter that just has to be out by five o’clock. Then he comes in and
kisses me. And I say “Oh No! You’re my boss! What would the shareholders say?” Then
one thing leads to another and I miss my deadline. The whole thing lasts about five
minutes.

MAN
What’s with the typewriter?

BRIDGET
He thinks they’re sexy. He doesn’t like computers.

MAN
She always pictures me in the park. I’m jogging. Shirtless, as if I’d ever do that, but never
mind. She’s jogging too, and we just sort of see each other. And it’s like…

BRIDGET
Lightning?

MAN
No, rather like an atomic blast. We collide and nothing is ever the same.

BRIDGET
You don’t sound very impressed.

MAN
She doesn’t wear a bra.

BRIDGET
Ew.

MAN
I find it very suspicious.

BRIDGET
I didn’t think he ever thought about me. He’s so, I don’t know. He has this streak of
morality.

MAN
Do you think of him? I mean, does the real you think of him?

BRIDGET
I don’t think so. I think she has a streak of morality too. But, you know, there are these
Saturday nights when she thinks, to hell with it, she’d break up six marriages and start a
war if it’ll mean she has someone else’s clothes in the laundry.

MAN
Do you know I can’t remember the last time I washed someone else’s clothes.
BRIDGET
It’s a very underrated form of intimacy.

MAN
I’ve always thought so.
BRIDGET
Is that a fact?

MAN
And I don’t mean her underwear, I mean the simple pleasure of running a women’s t-shirt
through the wash.
BRIDGET
Or a pair of socks –

MAN
– a skirt –

BRIDGET
– pyjamas –

MAN
– shorts –

BOTH
– a towel.
Pause. They look at each other.

MAN
You hungry?

BRIDGET
Starved.

MAN
C’mon, let’s grab a curry.

BRIDGET
Can we do that?

MAN
Baby, we’re fantasies. We can do whatever we want.

BRIDGET
Then let’s try that place on 14th street, you can never get a seat.

They exit. The two empty spotlights
remain. We return to our married
couple, who are clearly unenthused.

WIFE
You all right?

HUSBAND
It’s nothing. I just….I just can’t seem to concentrate….

WIFE
You have too much on your mind.

HUSBAND
No, that’s not it. In fact it’s the opposite. I have nothing on my mind. My mind is
suddenly a complete and utter blank.

WIFE
We should stop.

HUSBAND
What? No, we can keep going. If you want.

WIFE
Oh. Well. I….

HUSBAND
Or not.

WIFE
I’m pretty sure I’m tired.

HUSBAND
Of course.

WIFE
It’s the thought that counts. There I go again. Another cliché.

HUSBAND
It’s why I love you.
(A chaste kiss)
Good night.

WIFE
Sleep tight. Don’t let the bed bugs bite.
They lie on their backs and stare into space.
Lights fade.



II

The bedroom again, only the HUSBAND
and WIFE are gone. BRIDGET and MAN
enter.

MAN
This is it, then.

BRIDGET
It’s…..

MAN
You don’t like it?

BRIDGET
No, it’s very….

MAN
Small, I know. I didn’t pick it. This is the place –

BRIDGET
– the place all those unhappy women imagine you take them to.

MAN
Exactly. You’d think they’d give me something bigger. Look up.

BRIDGET
Mirrors?

MAN
You believe that?

BRIDGET
Everything the unhappy woman could ever want.

MAN
At least I got cable. Closets are empty. For some reason, women never seem to imagine
me with any clothes. It gets very cold in the winter. There are some kimonos if you want
one.

BRIDGET
Kimonos?

MAN
A businesswoman saw me rollerblading by the lake. In her fantasy, I wear a kimono and
make sushi.

BRIDGET
I like that. Simple.

MAN
The simple ones are always the best.

BRIDGET
What’s the hardest fantasy you’ve ever had to be in?

MAN
I once had to make love to a woman while skydiving. No parachutes. We were just in
freefall until she woke up. Here. Wear this one. I don’t have any food, but there’s a hot
plate. I’ll make you some tea.

BRIDGET
You should have some too.

She exits to go change. MAN takes a hot
plate out from under the bed. He makes tea.

MAN
After this we’ll give the TV whirl. It has every channel under the sun, even some that
don’t exist. One woman, she has this thing about watching midgets play miniature golf.
Some people. And, at five, there’s that show about a guy who solves crimes with his dog.

BRIDGET (from off)
Love that show.

MAN
Never miss it. See the one where the dog falls in love?
BRIDGET (ibid)
I don’t think so.

MAN
Well the dog falls in love with a cocker spaniel, only in turns out the cocker spaniel’s
owner is a jewel thief, so when they arrest her, the cocker spaniel has to go up north to
live with someone else.

BRIDGET (ibid)
Life is just one great tragedy after another.

MAN
You’re making fun of me.

BRIDGET
Yes. But only a little.

BRIDGET appears. She’s wearing a silk
kimono.

MAN
Look at you.

BRIDGET
Am I still every man’s fantasy?

MAN
You’re rapidly becoming mine.

BRIDGET

How do you think they’re getting on?
MAN
Will you stop thinking of them? There’s just us now. You look beautiful.

BRIDGET
That’s what he always tells me.

MAN
Right before you tell him to think of the shareholders?

BRIDGET
Sometimes, in that moment before he arrives, I try to think of ways to make myself ugly.
I really do. And it’s not that I don’t enjoy the attention, it’s just that I really like my work.
I like being a secretary. I’m good at it. There are days when I wish I wasn’t so young and
beautiful, just so I can walk to the photocopier in peace. Let me tell you something,
anyone who wants to be young and beautiful can have it. Beautiful is hard work. You
gotta work at being beautiful. Primping, polishing. And all those diets. I’d settle for
lovely. Lovely is nice. You don’t kick Lovely out of bed for smoking. And there’s a lot of
leg room with lovely. You get a little older, you get a few spots or some stain that just
won’t ever come out, it doesn’t matter. You’re still lovely. You ever notice how beauty is
not in the marriage vows?

MAN
Hmm?

BRIDGET
They say “through sickness and through health” but not “through age and loss of beauty”.
You’d think they’d want to mention that.

MAN
They’ll say it at our wedding.

BRIDGET
Well don’t you move pretty fast.

MAN
I can’t help it. It’s how I’m built. I’m designed to just walk in and sweep a lady off her
feet.
He sweeps her off her feet and kisses her.
She breaks away.

BRIDGET
Oh No! You’re my boss! What would the shareholders say?
(Beat)
Sorry. Force of habit.
(Another kiss)
I still feel sort of guilty. Don’t you feel guilty? We just ran out on them.

MAN
Haven’t you ever played hookey before?

BRIDGET
I’ve never done anything before. This is my first time.

MAN
Well as someone who has been over a dozen fantasies, let me tell you something: we
deserve every chance we get. I live for those moments when everyone’s happy. There
aren’t many. Want to know my busiest time? Christmas. People are so unhappy on
Christmas. It’s all the stress. Women climb into bed and dream of what they’d really like
to find in their stocking. You think it’s easy to climb into those things? Let me tell you
it’s not. You ask me, I’m perfectly happy to enjoy a little time out.

BRIDGET
Then…then you don’t feel bad?

MAN
Heaven forbid they should think of each other.

BRIDGET
We’re just daydreams. We’re harmless.

MAN
Look, it’s not that I’m without sympathy. I’m a very sympathetic guy. People want to
dream of winning the lotto, I’m all for it. But all these fantasy encounters….well really,
grow up and get a divorce.

BRIDGET
Divorce is a sin.

MAN
What are you, Catholic?

BRIDGET
Not in real life. I think it just turns him on.

MAN
You see? That’s my point. Look. She can be forgiven for inventing things about me. Who
am I? Just some hot stud she saw in the park. But you’re his secretary. He’s inventing you
when he doesn’t have to. He could leave his wife and be with the real thing.

BRIDGET
The real thing would never be able to wear this kimono.

MAN
Well you can go back if you want, but I’m not doing it.

BRIDGET
You’re not?

MAN
No. You’ve inspired me. I quit.

BRIDGET
Can…can we do that?

MAN
I told you: we can do anything we want.

BRIDGET
But…but we have a responsibility.

MAN
To who? I’m tired of being everyone’s daydream. I want to be my own. Tell me what
you’re doing tonight.

BRIDGET
I’m supposed to be in an erotic dream at about two-thirty.

MAN
Skip it.

BRIDGET
I can’t just…if I’m not there, it’ll just be him. Alone. It’ll be so sad.

MAN
What do you want? Let’s go to Chile. You ever been to Chile? Or Paris. That’s what
we’ll do. We’ll elope and walk barefoot down the banks of the Seine.

BRIDGET
I’m barefoot right now.

MAN
Then we’ll get you some shoes.

BRIDGET
And will we buy you a shirt?

MAN
Hell yes. Something tailored and pink. I love pink.

BRIDGET
Pink.

MAN
On men it can be very sexy.

BRIDGET
Shoes and shirts. They’re dreaming about sex and all we want are shoes and shirts.

MAN
I never age. My hair never grows and I never get sick. And I will be entirely yours, if you
want me. Say you want me.

BRIDGET (after a pause)
Which way to Paris?
Lights. Parisian music.


III

Blackout on the bedroom. The downstage
spotlight lights up, the one with typewriter.
Only now,, it is the WIFE who is sitting at
it. She gets up to do something and realizes
she’s wearing a slinky dress. (preferably the
same one BRIDGET wore earlier, or one
similar). She admires herself. HUSBAND
enters, grabs her and kisses her.

WIFE
Oh No! You’re my boss! It’s not fair to the other secretaries.

HUSBAND
Shareholders.

WIFE
Hmm?

HUSBAND
“Oh no. You’re my boss. What would the shareholders think.”

WIFE
Hmm. You don’t like my way better?

HUSBAND
Just say the lines. Let’s try it again.
He exits. WIFE goes back to typing.
She gets up. HUSBAND enters and
grabs her.

WIFE
Oh no! You’re my boss! I’m pretty sure this isn’t permitted in the company’s by-laws!

HUSBAND
You know what, never mind.

WIFE
I’m sorry, I just don’t see how committing sexual harassment can be a compelling
fantasy. And what’s with the typewriter?

HUSBAND
You really know how to take the piss out of everything.

WIFE
I don’t, do I? I’m sorry. Let’s try it again.

HUSBAND
I’m not in the mood.

WIFE
Come on. I was just teasing.

HUSBAND
This was a bad idea. Let’s just go to bed.

WIFE
You want to fantasize about falling asleep? Oh no! What would the shareholders think?

HUSBAND
Where are you going?

WIFE
To call the kids.

HUSBAND
They’ll be asleep.

WIFE
It’s nine o’clock.

HUSBAND
They’re at your mother’s house. Trust me, they’re asleep.

WIFE
Look at us. Aren’t we something? Kids are away and all we’re doing is going to bed.

HUSBAND
Don’t look at me. I wanted to do something different. Want to get drunk?

WIFE
Do we have anything worth drinking?

HUSBAND
I think there’s some cough syrup in the bathroom.

WIFE
Never mind. Do you think we’d still be like this even if we never had kids?

HUSBAND
I don’t want to think about it. I like being a father.

WIFE
And I like being a mother. But you have to admit, they are a handful. Look at us. I once
had perfect legs and you used to be built like a God. Let’s say the children were taken
care of for a long time. They’re in Neverland. Or the circus. Let’s say they ran away to
the circus. So we know they’re…taken care of. Now: what should we do?

HUSBAND
God, I’d be drunk for a week. We have to stop, this is cruel.

WIFE
It’s just a fantasy.

HUSBAND
I don’t usually fantasize about our kids joining the circus.

WIFE
Neither do I. But for some reason, I can’t seem to remember any of my usual fantasies.
It’s as if they’ve flown the coop.

HUSBAND
All right. So where are you?

WIFE
What’s that?

HUSBAND
In this fantasy about the kids and the circus. Where are you?

WIFE
Well, I guess I’ve left too. If that’s what you’d prefer.

HUSBAND
You think I’d prefer that?

WIFE
Wouldn’t you? Maybe I’m off learning to be a clown. Or a magician’s assistant. That’s it.
I’ve gone to be a magician’s assistant.

HUSBAND
Why not the magician?

WIFE
I’d never be any good.

HUSBAND
That’s your mother talking. Whenever you beat yourself up, it’s not you, it’s that woman.
Why can’t you be a magician? You could be anything you like.

WIFE
Do you really think so? I’ve always…well, to tell you the truth, I’ve always wanted to
saw someone in half.

HUSBAND
So do it. Saw me.

WIFE
What?

HUSBAND
Saw me in half.

WIFE
I’m not….
HUSBAND
Come on. Here. I’m lying down. Saw me in half. I dare you to saw me in half.

WIFE
This is ridiculous.

HUSBAND
Use something sharp, it won’t hurt as much.

WIFE
Another time. You need two people. That’s how they do it. I saw a documentary.
Someone hides in a box and pretends to be your legs.

HUSBAND
We’ll do it. We’ll use the kids. We’ll do it at your mother’s birthday and show her
exactly what kind of daughter she has.

WIFE
You really think I’d be any good?

HUSBAND
Why not? It’s just a trick.

WIFE
Imagine me with the power to saw men in half.

HUSBAND
I’d like you like that.

WIFE
Would you?

HUSBAND
I hope you won’t run off.

WIFE
What’s that?

HUSBAND
Just…if you ever thought of leaving. To join the circus. Or to join anything. I’m just
saying, that I’d prefer it if you didn’t.

WIFE
Really? Sometimes I’m not so sure.

HUSBAND
You can’t really think that.

WIFE
Sometimes I think you’d rather have Bridget. Or that girl from accounting.

HUSBAND
Claire? Never. Listen: Bridget is a good secretary. She can type sixty words a minute. But
she could never saw me in half. And you look much better in that dress than she does.

WIFE
God you’re great. Can I tell you something? This is how you are in my dreams. You’re
exactly like this. What do you want to do? I know. Here go out. I’m ready to try it again.

HUSBAND (taking her in his arms)
Never mind that. I told you, now I want you to saw me in half. Then I’m going to try and
pull you out of a hat.

WIFE
I’d never fit.

HUSBAND
Don’t say that.

WIFE
I’m too round in the middle.

HUSBAND
So what? Be round in the middle. I’ll just buy a bigger hat.
They kiss.

WIFE
Oh no! What would the shareholders think?

HUSBAND
Perfect.
Lights out on them. French music again.
IV
Lights up on the bedroom, only now it’s a
hotel room in Paris. BRIDGET and MAN
enter. MAN is wearing a pink polo shirt.
BRIDGET wears a sarong. They are
barefoot and carry their shoes.
MAN (Laughing)
You see that? Wasn’t that nice?

BRIDGET
Barefoot along the Seine. It was perfect.

MAN
Put on your shoes. Go on, I want to see it.

BRIDGET
How’s this?

MAN
Look at you. You in shoes. And look at this shirt.

BRIDGET
Yes.

MAN
Did I not say….?

BRIDGET
It’s definitely pink. .

MAN
You don’t like it.

BRIDGET
I feel like we’ve were walking forever.

MAN
We were.

BRIDGET
My feet are killing me.

MAN
Allow me. I have a doctorate in foot massage.

BRIDGET
Is that a fact?
(She allows him to massage his feet.)
Mmm. That’s pretty good. How long have we been in Paris? No, don’t tell me. I don’t
care. This is nice. Don’t stop. You stopped. What is it?

MAN
Nothing, it’s nothing.

BRIDGET
What?

MAN
It’s just…well, see for yourself.

BRIDGET (looking at her legs)
What is that?

MAN
I don’t…

BRIDGET
Is that…?

MAN
It’s probably just a bit of dirt. Let me wash it off.

BRIDGET
It’s not coming off. It’s the thing. The thing on my leg. It’s not supposed to be there.

MAN
Hold still, I think it’s coming off.

BRIDGET
I don’t like this. Let’s get out of here. Let’s go to the beach.

MAN
All right.

Pause.

BRIDGET
We’re still here.

MAN
Strange.

BRIDGET
Take me to the beach.

MAN
All right, give me a second, I have to concentrate.
Pause.

BRIDGET
I don’t understand.

MAN
I don’t either. Unless.

BRIDGET
Unless what?

MAN
No. It’s not possible.

BRIDGET
What? Tell me.

MAN
Well I heard of something like this happening. People stop thinking about us and
suddenly we can’t go anywhere.

BRIDGET
That’s ridiculous. People think about us all the time. Unless we’ve been gone longer than
we thought. How long have we been here?

MAN
I really don’t know.

BRIDGET
Have we been forgotten?

MAN
Don’t be silly.

BRIDGET
Has the world moved on without us?

MAN
Ridiculous.
BRIDGET (looking at him)
Is that a grey hair?

MAN
Oh my God.

BRIDGET
You see!

MAN
Oh my God. I’ve been forgotten. I think I can actually feel myself getting old. How many
grey hairs do you see?

BRIDGET
Just the one. No, wait, two. No wait. You know what, never mind.
MAN
How did this happen?

BRIDGET
Maybe he got a new secretary. I’ll bet it was Claire in accounting.
MAN
You don’t forget about us. Look at us.

BRIDGET
Maybe she saw another man jogging.

MAN
Bite your tongue.

BRIDGET
Or maybe….

MAN
What?

BRIDGET
….they’ve started thinking of each other.

MAN
What? Impossible.. I mean, they were so….bored with each other.

BRIDGET
I know. The stories he told me. Apparently, she used to clip coupons in bed.

MAN
What about him and his psoriasis? You think that’s attractive?

BRIDGET
Right. Forget it. Not possible at all.

MAN
Is that a mole?

BRIDGET
That’s it. I’m throwing myself out the window. Don’t try to stop me.

MAN
Stop.

BRIDGET
All right.

MAN
The important thing is not to panic. All right, so we’ve been forgotten. It’s a tragedy, but
it’s not the end of the world. The important thing is that we learn from the experience.

BRIDGET
I don’t feel like I’ve learned anything. My feet hurt and I’m miserable. I think I have gas.

MAN
Look, we still have each other. That isn’t so terrible, is it?

BRIDGET
I suppose not.

MAN
Kiss me.

BRIDGET
I don’t really think I’m in the mood.

MAN
We are young and passionate. People like us are always in the mood. Kiss me!
They kiss. It’s fairly unromantic, but they
should get points for the effort.

MAN
You see? What more do we need?

BRIDGET
I just wish I knew how this happened.

MAN
Passionate people don’t care about the past. We seize the moment and take whatever
comes.
Another kiss. The man removes BRIDGET’s
sarong and throws it on the ground.
Suddenly, BRIDGET moans and the MAN
pulls away.

BRIDGET
What is it?

MAN
You just said his name.

BRIDGET
No I didn’t.

MAN
You’re thinking of him.

BRIDGET
Don’t be ridiculous.

MAN
Don’t deny it.

BRIDGET
I’m sorry. I just can’t stop.

MAN
Forget them. See how they like it.

BRIDGET
I can’t help it. But if it makes you feel any better, I don’t think I’m doing it right. It’s very
domestic. Whenever I close my eyes, all he’s doing is running around topless, looking for
his psoriasis cream.

MAN
I know. I keep seeing her clipping coupons in a kimono.

BRIDGET
Ha! So you are thinking of her! I knew it.

MAN
We have to get past this.

BRIDGET
We can’t. You ran away with me. Now you’re thinking of running away with her. Who’s
next? Where does it end?

MAN
I love you very much.

BRIDGET
You aren’t answering the question.

MAN
There is nothing to answer. The thought of another woman does not appeal to me. This is
love. This is love and you still have those legs you had when you were young.
They start making love. Downstage, on the
MAN’s side, the WIFE appears clipping
coupons in a kimono (the same one
BRIDGET wore earlier). She gets up and
notices what she’s wearing.

WIFE
Huh. I don’t remember putting that on.
Downstage, on BRIDGET’s side (which
should be the same side with the typewriter),
the HUSBAND enters. He is topless.

HUSBAND
Honey, I can’t seem to find my psoriasis cream….wow.
WIFE
I know.

HUSBAND
That is a remarkable kimono.

WIFE
I don’t think it’s mine. This isn’t our bedroom. Where are we?

HUSBAND
I… think it’s a beach.

HUSBAND crosses out of one spotlight and
into the other.

WIFE
How did you do that?

HUSBAND
I’m not really sure.

WIFE
This is a lovely fantasy.

HUSBAND
Did you think of it?

WIFE
Not me. I’d have taken us to Paris.

HUSBAND
God. You know what? I think it’s someone else’s.

WIFE
I think you’re right. Can you imagine. Someone somewhere fantasizing about us.

HUSBAND
Well I don’t blame them. Look at those legs.

WIFE
And you. You, sir, are built like a God.

HUSBAND
I wonder who it is.

WIFE
Who cares? We’re here. I say we enjoy it while we can. Come on.

HUSBAND
What are we doing?

WIFE
It’s a fantasy isn’t it? I’m going to saw you in half.
From nowhere, she produces a saw. They
exit. The two empty spotlights remain.

BRIDGET
You all right?

MAN
Nothing. I just….I just can’t seem to concentrate….

BRIDGET
You have too much on your mind.

MAN
No, that’s not it. In fact it’s the opposite. I have nothing on my mind. My mind is
suddenly a complete and utter blank.

BRIDGET
We should stop. I’m pretty sure I’m tired.

MAN
Of course.

BRIDGET
It’s the thought that counts.

MAN
I love you.
(A chaste kiss)
Good night.

BRIDGET
Sleep tight. Don’t let the bed bugs bite. I don’t know why I said that.
Lights.

Curtain.

About the Author

Joel Fishbane’s novel ‘The Thunder of Giants’ is now available from St. Martin’s Press while his plays have appeared in Canada, the United States, and overseas. For more information, you are welcome to visit http://www.joelfishbane.net.

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