Content warning: Suicide or self-harm.

Nesting Doll

A Contrapuntal

 

This is about descension. It always has been.

My father                                                                                                                                                                                         called it decay

But this story isn’t about him.

This is about                                                                                                                         a body unweathered enough to nail my crucifix,

the single wall, the broken shutter                                                                                                                                        between my legs

sealing that stunning lead hollow-point inside,                                                                             the one that pinned me into a prayer

sucking my final breath                                                                                                                         straight from this unhealed wound.

Now enclosed in the smoking barrel,                                                                                      the subdermal, the bullseye, the slaughter

house so blood-thick                                                                                                                                             I mistake it for my mother.

So loud,                                                                                                                                                                         her body becomes dense

and hieroglyphic as braille.                                                                         Systematic as my pointer finger wrinkling over the trigger,

temple beckoning the shutter, the neck, the bore,                                                                                                 her muzzle, an opening

large and black enough to fall into

 

 

About the Author
Ayden Massey is a queer poet and indie filmmaker.They are a summa cum laude graduate of the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill with a dual BA in English and Gender Studies. Ayden has received varying academic accolades, visual awards, and literary publications, including features in Idiosyncrazy Magazine. A New York Times Found Poem Finalist, Ayden explores themes of body archive, generational trauma, violence, and queerness, blending images of decay with incessant sound. Ayden also enjoys ethnography and was recently recognized as Mary Turner Lane Award nominee for their pelvic floor dysfunction research.