Play in One Act By Avery Kester Avery Kester CHARACTERS Josie, a woman, in her late twenties Rowan, a woman, in her late twenties Casting Note This is a play to be performed by two women, so both actors must be women. They may be cisgender or transgender, this makes no difference, but they must identify as women. TIME: Autumn, 2010s PLACE: San Francisco SETTING: Late evening in Autumn, at the home of Josie and Rowan. A bedroom inside the home of the characters that occupies the space of the stage, there is a door that leads to the master bathroom as well as a door that leads to the rest of the house. Along one wall is a tall window that overlooks a balcony, it is adorned with white silken curtains. The dresser and end table were bought as a matching pair, there is also a bed, an ottoman at the end of the bed, and a bookshelf. On top of the dresser must be a copy of Lidia Yuknavitch’s The Chronology of Water , as well as a framed photograph of the two characters at the beach. All lighting on stage should be produced by natural sources on stage, only moonlight should come from traditional theatrical lighting. STILLBORN [Open on a bedroom, the bed is not made, it has been slept in. Many books are strewn about the room, overflowing from their designated shelf. The furniture has a very minimalist feel to it, as if an Ikea executive has designed the room. A young woman, Rowan, sits on the edge of the bed, uncomfortable. She’s in a state of undress, but not in pajamas, maybe lingerie. She’s wrapped the flat sheet around herself and her hair is ruffled. There is a bruise forming on her arm, she’s been crying. A door stands askew, light peeking through, and the sound of running faucet water is heard from it. Another young woman, Josie, speaks from the bathroom.] JOSIE Have you seen… ROWAN The top shelf [Pause] JOSIE Thank you. [The sound of running water continues as Rowan watches the door cautiously, she slides out of bed, taking the sheet with her, and goes to the window. She pulls it open, and she leans against the edge of the balcony, letting the breeze from outside blow through the white curtains and the sheets. The sound of water stops. Josie appears from the open door, which leads to the bathroom, in a silk bathrobe. She looks tired and takes a moment to watch Rowan at the window.] JOSIE Are you going to jump? [Pause] ROWAN Do you think I should? [Pause] JOSIE Don’t joke like that. ROWAN Why not? [Pause] JOSIE You know why. [Pause] ROWAN I’m sorry love, I didn’t mean– JOSIE Yes, you did. ROWAN I’m not going to– JOSIE Fine. [Josie walks up to Rowan and there is an obvious tension between them, they never let themselves get too close to each other. Josie reaches past her and pushes the window shut. She walks back to the bathroom, turns the water on and begins to brush her teeth. A long moment.] ROWAN Um… Jos? Can I talk with you about something? [Pause] ROWAN There’s… there’s just something I really need to say. JOSIE [Through toothpaste] Uh… yeah, what’s up? ROWAN You know, I think it’s time that you… err, that I… that we… move on I mean. JOSIE [Through toothpaste] Move on? You think it’s time to move on? ROWAN I only meant because… well because it’s time. It’s time that we leave the past in the past. Leave– JOSIE [Through toothpaste] Leave the dead where they lie? [Spits] You’re so fucked up. [Pause] ROWAN Don’t… don’t talk to me that way. That-that’s not okay. JOSIE You know what’s not okay? [The sound of water shuts off] You telling me that I need to move on. ROWAN Josie… JOSIE No, no. I need time, and you’ve not been… no, I don’t want to do this with you right now. [Pause] ROWAN What? What have I not been? JOSIE Don’t push it Rowan, I don’t want to do this again. ROWAN What have I not been? JOSIE You’ve not been here for me. You know that, you know you haven’t been. This is the third time we’ve talked about it this week. This is why I didn’t want to do this. [She comes out of the bathroom, turning the light off and closing the door behind her.] ROWAN I… [Pause] JOSIE I’ve tried to be patient, I know you’ve been through a lot too, but it was me that– ROWAN D-don’t say that… We both lost that baby. [Pause] JOSIE We both lost that baby? [Pause] ROWAN Josie, we were in in together. You s-said that we were in it together… we both… we both decided to have a baby… we both lost that baby. [Pause] JOSIE That baby? [Pause] JOSIE Her name is Jasmine. [Rowan starts to say something but Josie raises her hand to silence her. She takes a couple of deep breaths, trying to calm herself down, sits down on an ottoman at the end of the bed.] ROWAN Honey I know you’re in a lot of pain, but– JOSIE Stop. [A moment. Rowan moves to where Josie is sitting and awkwardly attempts to embrace her. Josie pushes her away with finality.] JOSIE Don’t touch me. [Pause] ROWAN I know you’re in a lot of pain, but I’ve been dealing with these feelings too. JOSIE No. [Pause] ROWAN No? JOSIE You’re not dealing with them. [Josie shuffles out of Rowan’s arms awkwardly.] ROWAN What does that mean? [Josie stands up, finds a book on the top of the dresser, The Chronology of Water by Lidia Yuknavitch, and flips it open to a page that’s been marked with a piece of paper. It’s a letter. She sets the book back down, letter in hand.] JOSIE You want to do this? ROWAN Jo, come on. You know that’s not fair. JOSIE [Reading from the letter] “I can’t stand to see you sad like this,” ROWAN Stop. [Rowan approaches Josie, trying to get the letter but Josie evades her, and continues reading.] JOSIE “I hope you can be happy once I’m gone, since I clearly don’t make you happy anymore.” ROWAN Josie, that’s enough. JOSIE “Who knows, maybe I never have. Maybe you just need too much. Maybe you just take too much to be happy. I’ve tried to make you happy, devoted myself to it in fact, and I’ve failed. I’m sorry my love, I’m sorry I’ve failed you. I wish I could be better, but I’m not. I know you expect more from me and I’m sorry that I suck so much.” [Rowan snatches the letter from Josie, fire in her eyes, and smacks her across the face. A long moment passes. Silence.] ROWAN I-I told you… I told you to stop. [Pause] JOSIE I can’t believe you just did that. [Josie sets the letter down on the dresser and sits on the edge of the bed, her back to the audience. A moment passes between them, Rowan sits on the bed facing the audience. Josie’s shoulders begin to gently heave, she’s crying.] ROWAN Jos- JOSIE Don’t. Just, don’t. [Pause] ROWAN I’m sorry. But I… I told you to stop– JOSIE And that makes it okay to hit me? You’re fucked up. [Rowan reaches back to touch Josie’s shoulder, but the latter shifts away and then stands up. She puts some distance between the two of them.] JOSIE Why? ROWAN What? JOSIE Why did you write that fucking letter? [Pause] ROWAN I-I was upset… I don’t know. I didn’t want to go out without saying anything… JOSIE And this is what you chose to say? To tell me that I’m a selfish bitch who ruined your life? That’s what you wanted to leave me with? What about the rest of our relationship? What about all the times we laughed and shared… on the beach, watching the sunset. What was it we promised each other? Don’t you remember? It was a sacred vow Rowan, taken before the gods and all our family, don’t tell me that you forgot. ROWAN Josie… JOSIE We said we would stay together, through thick and thin, sickness and health, joy and despair. Do you remember that? ROWAN Josie… I… JOSIE Do you fucking remember that? ROWAN D-don’t cuss… cuss at me… JOSIE Answer the question, Rowan! ROWAN Yes of course I do. JOSIE Then why? Why would you write that letter? Why would you try to…. ROWAN I was angry, I was sad… I was hurt. I still am. You’ve really hurt me. You don’t care what’s happening with me, how I’m feeling. It’s all about you. There’s no room for me. I just feel like I’m spiraling, and you don’t care about me… have you ever really cared? I honestly don’t know. So yeah, I wrote that stuff, because I felt it. [Pause] JOSIE There’s no room for you? ROWAN You know there isn’t. JOSIE So instead of trying to get some help or talk to me at all, you just decided to swallow a bottle of pills? [Pause] ROWAN That’s not fair. JOSIE Oh, that’s not fair? Was it fair that I had to find you– ROWAN St-top it. JOSIE I won’t stop, you’re going to listen to me, I won’t fucking stop. It’s not fair? It’s not fair that I would expect you to talk to me when you’re struggling? Is it fair that you expect me to read your mind? How was I supposed to know what the hell was–is, whatever, what the hell is up with you? How do you expect me to know any of that if you don’t come to me? Whatever happened to therapy? It was your goddamn idea, and I went. Where were you? You’re struggling so much to stay alive but you can’t make it to therapy? You want to talk about fair? Was it fair that I was the only one dealing with this issue? Was it fucking fair that I had to find you, my wife, laying on the floor half dead? Was that fair? [Pause] ROWAN You’re so selfish. [Pause] JOSIE Fuck you. [Pause] ROWAN Don’t cuss at me. You know… you know that’s not okay. [They stare at each other in silence for a moment. Josie folds the letter back up and puts in back into The Chronology of Water . On the dresser there is a framed photograph of the two of them at the beach, in the photo Rowan is flashing a fancy engagement ring. Josie picks it up.] JOSIE I’m… I’m sorry… [Pause] ROWAN Yeah, I’m sure you are. [Pause] JOSIE Do you have to be like that? [A long moment of silence unfolds between them. Josie admires the photograph.] JOSIE We look so happy here. ROWAN What? JOSIE We look so happy here. ROWAN Where? [Pause] JOSIE Laguna Beach. ROWAN Oh, yeah. [Pause] JOSIE Do you remember when ROWAN Yes of course, you looked so JOSIE I was, I was so ROWAN Me too. JOSIE We look so happy here. Did you know then? ROWAN Know what? JOSIE That you were going to… [Pause] ROWAN Going to what? Say it. [Pause] ROWAN Going to what? Going to kill myself? [Pause] JOSIE It just felt like you were throwing everything away. ROWAN You know that’s not what I was… what I was doing. JOSIE Wasn’t it? [A moment of silence passes, Rowan gets up and approaches Josie, they stare at each other for a time, and then embrace.] ROWAN No. It wasn’t like that. [Pause] JOSIE What happened to us? ROWAN It’s not a… JOSIE We look so happy… ROWAN It’s more complicated than… JOSIE I know that. ROWAN We can be that way again. JOSIE Can we? [They pull apart, it’s tense. Josie sets the photograph back up on the dresser.] ROWAN Josie… I, I don’t know. JOSIE Then don’t make empty promises. ROWAN I can’t do this anymore. [Pause] JOSIE I’m sorry what? What can’t you do anymore? ROWAN I just can’t keep playing this game with you anymore. This “whose pain is more important” game. I’m suffering too much. [Josie says nothing for a moment, but sits back on the bed, confused and defeated.] ROWAN I’m sorry, it’s just too much… I can’t… I can’t do this anymore. JOSIE There has to be a way that we can fix this. ROWAN I don’t JOSIE Please ROWAN There isn’t JOSIE Rowan, I ROWAN I’m sorry [Pause] JOSIE Please, I love you ROWAN You don’t JOSIE Yes of course I do ROWAN Then why do you JOSIE With all my heart ROWAN Then why, with the letter JOSIE What? ROWAN Then why do you throw the letter in my face? JOSIE That’s not fair. You’ve never apologized for it. ROWAN Am I supposed to apologize for being depressed? [Pause] ROWAN You know I was really struggling, that I needed you… and now all you want to do is throw that in my face and make me feel like shit about it. JOSIE How was I supposed to know about that? You never breathed a word to me. ROWAN You never asked me! JOSIE You’re so selfish. You needed me? I needed you. I lost our– ROWAN This again? Jesus Josie, we both last that baby. It affected me too, it affects me still. I know that it’s different for you, but you can’t pretend that I don’t have feelings about it, that I’m not allowed to have feelings about it. JOSIE It affected you too? [She stands up and pulls open her robe, a barely healed wound is visible across her abdomen even though she’s wearing undergarments. She’s had a c-section.] JOSIE Where’s the mark on your body? Hmmm? Show me where they cut our dead baby out of you. [Pause] JOSIE Show me Rowan! Where are the sutures that hold you together? Did your body murder our baby? ROWAN You know that’s not what happened. Sometimes babies just get sick. JOSIE That isn’t… that isn’t… don’t distract from… ROWAN Love, I know you’re hurt, but I have suffered too. [Pause] JOSIE I felt our baby die inside of me. I felt the life of that little heartbeat give out. I felt my own body fail to provide for her. You cannot imagine what that felt like, and don’t pretend that you can. [A moment of silence passes between them, Josie pulls her robe back together and sits down.] ROWAN I’m sorry, I just can’t do this anymore. JOSIE You think I can? ROWAN What do you want me to say? JOSIE Is that a joke? I want you to say you’ll be here for me! ROWAN I’ll always love you Josie. [Pause] JOSIE Ro, you can’t do this to me. Please. ROWAN I’m just tired of fighting so much, why are we still doing this? JOSIE I love you goddammit, and I will fight for that. ROWAN How does it feel to be at war with me? Does it feel like love? [Rowan pulls a suitcase out of the closet and starts to pack her clothes and other belongings into it. Josie stands up and tries to plead while hoping for her attention, but Rowan doesn’t pay her any heed.] JOSIE What are you doing? ROWAN I have to go. JOSIE Where? ROWAN Anywhere. I… I can’t stay here anymore. JOSIE Please baby, I’m sorry… I’m sorry, you’re right, you’re right and I’m so goddamn sorry… please don’t leave me… we can make this work, we can figure it out. I love you so much, please Ro… look at me… baby look at me, we can do this. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry… it’ll be different, it’ll be better, I swear to God. Please… baby please… ROWAN I’m sorry. I just can’t do this. JOSIE No, no, no, no, no… please don’t leave me… I love you so much… please Rowan… I need you… ROWAN Josie I can’t stay here anymore, I think about death everyday. I’m barely staying alive and I need time for myself to heal, and I can’t do it while I’m here with you. I can’t focus on myself around you because you take up too much. You’re taking way too much from me… I’m sorry. JOSIE Please, I’m sorry, I can do better. We can move forward. ROWAN It’s not about you being better, we… this isn’t working, not for you and not for me. JOSIE I don’t know what I’ll do without you. ROWAN You have said it before, you barely have me now. JOSIE Please… I can’t lose you again. [Rowan finishes packing things into her suitcase and zips it shut, she pulls on some new clothes and finds a pair of shoes. She sits down so that she can put her shoes on. Josie moves the shoes and sits in front of her on the floor, kisses her hands.] ROWAN Would you have been happier if I died? JOSIE Ro… ROWAN Would you? JOSIE Of course not. [Pause] ROWAN You’re certainly not happy to have me around. [Pause] JOSIE I felt part of me break when I thought you were dead… How could I lose my whole family so quickly? I wouldn’t know what to do without you… I need you. I love you Ro. [Pause] ROWAN I love you too… JOSIE But? ROWAN But… I have to go. [Pause] JOSIE Fine, go. [Pause] JOSIE Get the fuck out then. ROWAN Josie… JOSIE Just leave. [Blackout, end play.] Avery Kester is a Playwright, Performer, and founding member of Theatre Viscera. They are dedicated to the telling of stories that are often silenced, using theatre and creative writing as mediums to tell the stories of people without a voice. They received their Bachelor’s of Arts in Applied Theatre and Sociology from Pacific University in 2018. Currently they are studying for their Master’s of Fine Arts in Playwriting at the University of Nebraska Omaha. While at Pacific University, Avery was a part of a devised theatre project: Much Ado About Gender under Portland area artist Jacob Coleman. They have acted in, designed for, or directed over 40 shows, and participated in several devised theatre projects. As a writer, they have had several short plays published in magazines such as Sand Hills Literary Magazine and The Paragon Press – Magnolia and Vine. They have also had short nonfiction pieces published as well as poetry in publications including: 30 North, HCE Review, and Bellwether Review. To view more of her work click below.
Stillborn
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