by: Steve Gold

 

 

Synopsis: A comedy about an uptight African-American scientist who meets an Austrian woman at a 1930s Italian railroad station.

 

 

 

 

(LIGHTS UP ON A SMALL WOODEN BENCH PLACED SLIGHTLY OFF CENTER STAGE, TOWARD STAGE RIGHT. IT IS JANUARY, 1934, A WEEKDAY MORNING, AT THE NAPLES TRAIN STATION. ERNEST JUST, A THIRTYISH BLACK MAN, IS SEATED AT THE BENCH, DRESSED IN CLOTHES MORE APPROPRIATE FOR A COOLER CLIMATE THAN THE ONE OFFERED BY SOUTHERN ITALY: GRAY SUIT, WHITE SHIRT AND BLACK TIE UNDER A
FULLY BUTTONED HEAVY BLACK OVERCOAT. HIS SINGLE PIECE OF LUGGAGE, A LIGHT BROWN SUITCASE, RESTS BESIDES HIM ON THE BENCH. HE IS FIRST SEEN READING A HARD-COVER BOOK, THOUGH HE IS TOO RESTLESS TO PAY ATTENTION. JUST IS A SCIENTIST WHO HAS RECENTLY ARRIVED FROM AMERICA TO DO RESEARCH.

A FEW MOMENTS FOLLOW; HE PLACES THE STILL-OPEN BOOK ON TOP OF THE SUITCASE. HE THEN LOOKS AROUND THE AREA, TRYING TO PICK OUT THE PERSON WHO IS TO MEET HIM AT THE STATION. HIS ATTEMPT UNSUCCESSFUL, HE PICKS UP THE BOOK AND CONTINUES READING.

A FEW MOMENTS LATER, HEDWIG SCHLONDORF APPEARS STAGE RIGHT. IN HER LATE TWENTIES, SHE IS GANGLY AND HAS SHORT BLOND HAIR AND AN OPEN, EAGER EXPRESSION. SHE IS FLUENT IN ENGLISH, WITH A SLIGHT GERMAN ACCENT THAT ADDS TO HER APPEAL. HER CLOTHING IS FUNCTIONAL AND ATTRACTIVE: DARK BLUE DRESS, WHITE KNEE SOCKS AND BLACK WALKING SHOES. UPON ENTERING, SHE STOPS BRIEFLY, GLANCES AT ERNEST, SMILES EXPECTANTLY, THEN APPROACHES HIM AS HE READS HIS BOOK)

Hedwig: Are you Dr. Just?

Ernest (looks up): Yes.

Hedwig: Hedwig Schlondorf…from the Institute.

(ERNEST CLOSES THE BOOK AND PUTS IT ON THE SUITCASE, THEN STANDS)

Ernest (reticent and rigidly proper): I’ve been waiting.

(SHE OFFERS HER HAND; HE HESITATES)

Hedwig: Not long, I trust.

(HE THEN TAKES HER HAND)

Ernest: No…I, I was taking in the sites.

Hedwig: There’s much to take in. How is your Italian?

Ernest: I did some practicing during the voyage.

Hedwig: Most of us speak English at the Institute. (sweet smile) If you need an interpreter, however, my rates are remarkably cheap.

Ernest (humorless): I’ll bear that in mind. Shall we go?

Hedwig (embarrassed giggle): I’m afraid we must wait here a bit longer.

Ernest: Is something wrong?

Hedwig: Our driver, Mario, is not available at the present time.

Ernest: Where is he?

Hedwig: He’s running a few errands for his wife.

Ernest: He simply left you here?

Hedwig: He asked me if he could go and I said he could. I thought he’d be back by now.

Ernest: Is he coming back?

Hedwig: Goodness, yes…at least, I think so…yes, he’s definitely coming back…I hope.

Ernest (beat; dubious): Me too.

Hedwig: Please don’t hold it against me—or Mario.

Ernest: I’m sure he’s a fine fellow…and I’m sure you’re a fine…woman.

Hedwig: Mario has a sterling reputation.

Ernest: Does he have a watch?

Hedwig: I never noticed, but he’ll be here—rest assured.

Ernest: Very well. I shall rest assured…I have no choice.

Hedwig: The strange thing is, Mario does nothing all day except read the newspaper and eat spaghetti. But everyone likes him.

Ernest: He doesn’t seem to be very efficient.

Hedwig (easy laugh): You expect efficiency in Italy?

Ernest: I don’t know what to expect.

Hedwig: If you want efficiency, you’re in the wrong country.

Ernest: That possibility just occurred to me.

Hedwig: May I sit?

(BEFORE HE CAN RESPOND, SHE PUSHES HIS SUITCASE TO THE FAR RIGHT END OF THE BENCH AND SITS; THEN SHE MOTIONS HIM TO JOIN HER)

Ernest: I’d rather not.

Hedwig: You were sitting when I came.

Ernest: It’s not proper.

Hedwig: What is not proper?

Ernest: Our sitting together…in public.

Hedwig: Two people relaxing, enjoying the morning sun? That’s not proper?

Ernest: Not where I come from.

Hedwig: Where do you come from?

Ernest: Washington.

Hedwig: In Washington, men and women do not sit together in public?

Ernest: Not when the man is a Negro and the woman is…not a Negro.

Hedwig: But you’ve overlooked something.

Ernest: What’s that?

Hedwig: This is Naples, not Washington. Please sit down and keep me company.

(LONG PAUSE; HE CAUTIOUSLY, WORRIEDLY SITS, THOUGH FAR FROM HER)

Hedwig: Closer.

(HE MOVES A FEW INCHES CLOSER)

Ernest: Satisfactory?

Hedwig (suppressing a smile): For now. (beat) I can’t help but wonder: You seem to be dressed for a snowstorm.

Ernest (stilted): It is January.

Hedwig: It does not snow in Naples…(brightly) But I can try to arrange it, if you wish.

Ernest (mildly miffed): Yes, do that—see if you can get Mario to help you.

Hedwig: Are you not perspiring under all those clothes?

Ernest: It’s somewhat warm, I admit.

(SHE REACHES OVER TO UNBUTTON HIS OVERCOAT; HE IS MORTIFIED)

Hedwig: There, now, that should improve matters.

Ernest (priggish): In the future, please notify me before you decide to unbutton my clothes.

Hedwig: It was bold of me, was it not?

Ernest: Indeed it was.

Hedwig: Please accept my apology.

Ernest: It’s quite alright….luckily, I’m familiar with overly aggressive women.

Hedwig: I’ll remember that the next time I am overly aggressive.

Ernest: I’ll remind you myself.

Hedwig: Are there many aggressive women in America?

Ernest: They make up the majority.

Hedwig (self–mocking): I would feel right at home—

Ernest (glum): You certainly would.

Hedwig: You know, I’ve read many books about America.

Ernest: Good for you.

Hedwig: Do you know Zane Grey?

(EXTENDED PAUSE)

Ernest: He writes westerns.

Hedwig: That’s him. He’s very popular in Austria. As a child, I devoured all his books.

Ernest: Must’ve gotten quite a stomachache.

Hedwig: No, I meant that in a symbolic way.

Ernest: I see.

Hedwig: Have you read Zane Grey?

Ernest (loftily): I don’t read westerns…I don’t know anyone who does.

Hedwig: I learned everything about your country from Mr. Grey. Tell me, do cowboys and Indians still fight in Oklahoma?

Ernest: I strongly doubt it.

Hedwig (girlish enthusiasm): How exciting that period must have been to live in!

Ernest: If you want to learn about America, then you might choose something more up–to–date.

Hedwig: Can you recommend something?

Ernest (off–handedly biting): Any book about hatred and bigotry will do.

Hedwig: Oh, dear, that sounds depressing.

Ernest (serious): If you’re looking for a specific author, there’s F. Scott Fitzgerald—I find his writing lyrical and eloquent—though he’s not currently in vogue…and there’s Sinclair Lewis—he’s not as poetic as Fitzgerald, but he’s more realistic.

Hedwig: I’ll give them a try.

Ernest: You’ll be most impressed.

Hedwig (beat; a sly, ever–so–inviting smile): Dr. Just, I already am impressed.

(HE STARES BLANKLY AT HER, THEN LOOKS STRAIGHT AHEAD)

Ernest (schoolmasterish): According to the travel guide, the population of Naples approaches one million.

Hedwig: That number seems awfully large.

Ernest: That’s what the book says.

Hedwig: You should have read the chapter on local climate—you would have dressed more appropriately. (she laughs freely and easily; he offers a momentary side look of disapproval)

Ernest (mildly disdainful): What exactly do you do at the Institute?

Hedwig: What is my function?

Ernest: Are you the official greeter?

Hedwig: I work in the laboratories.

Ernest: Which one?

Hedwig: I alternate: I spend a few weeks in one laboratory, then switch to another.

Ernest: Why don’t you have your own?

Hedwig: You don’t understand: I am what you might call an interested amateur. I have no official connection with the Institute. My family thinks I’m completely mad.

Ernest: They may have a point.

Hedwig (laugh): They may indeed.

Ernest: So you haunt the various laboratories like…Hamlet’s ghost.

Hedwig: I would rather do this than go back to Vienna and marry Count Wiener Schnitzel;. My mother prefers I do that. Then again, she does not think science is for “proper” ladies. I suspect you feel the same way.

Ernest: I do not.

Hedwig (affably chiding him): I notice a subtle condescension in your tone.

Ernest (straightforward): They used to tell me that Negroes don’t belong in science. But I proved them wrong. For me to say the same of women…that would be the mark of an imbecile.

(LONG PAUSE)

Hedwig: Dr. Just, I have high hopes for you. (he smiles diffidently; she looks to her right) I wonder where Mario is.

Ernest (breezily sure of himself): I don’t mind waiting. I’m sure he has important business to attend to. …Lovely day.

Hedwig: After you are settled in Naples, I would be honored to show you the sights.

Ernest: I’d like that very much.

Hedwig: I wish also to discuss your work. It’s fascinating.

Ernest (surprised): You’re aware of it?

(SHE STANDS, MOVES STAGE RIGHT)

Hedwig (incisive, probing): Of course. Now, in your last article, you mentioned the difficulty of keeping alive the sea urchin eggs you work with.

Ernest: It’s my main problem. If I could keep them alive longer, I could do so much more with them. I’ve tried various salt concentrations—without success.

Hedwig: Have you thought of testing different pH levels?

Ernest: Not only have I thought of it, that’s the first thing I plan to do once I’m set up here—

Hedwig: I have already done it.

(LONG PAUSE)

Ernest: You?

Hedwig: A pH of 9.5 does the trick. It lowers the eggs’ metabolism. They live at least three times longer than before. I’ll show you the data.

(LONG PAUSE)

Ernest (low–keyed amazement): I’ll be damned.

Hedwig: I thought you would want to know immediately—that is why I came to greet you.

Ernest (clearly pleased): You’ve saved me weeks of work.

Hedwig: Excellent.

(LONG PAUSE)

Ernest (highly intrigued): Who are you?

Hedwig: I told you: I’m an amateur.

Ernest: You picked this up all on your own?

Hedwig: I learned by watching…reading…asking questions…and thinking.

Ernest (becomingly modest): …Should do more of that myself.

Hedwig: You write rather well, by the way.

Ernest: Thank you.

Hedwig (warmly direct): You are not a show–off. Many scientists write as if they are God almighty. But you are not like that. You write like a real person…like a human being.

Ernest (two beats; his formality beginning to melt away): Again…thank you.

(LONG PAUSE)

Hedwig: We will begin your sightseeing tour tomorrow.

Ernest (beat; captivated): My time here is limited.

Hedwig: But I just bought you several free weeks, Dr. Just.

Ernest (beat; utterly charmed): That you have.

Hedwig: Do you like castles?

Ernest: I’m crazy about castles.

Hedwig: You are in for a treat. This city is filled with them. There is the Castle of the Egg—I’ll take you there first. It is right off Santa Lucia. It was built seven hundred years.

Ernest (shaking his head in wonder): …Hard to imagine a building that old—not in America, that’s for sure.

Hedwig: The University of Naples is seven hundred years old. Everything around here is seven hundred years old…(devilish grin) including the professors at the University of Naples.

Ernest: That wouldn’t surprise me.

Hedwig (bouyant): There’s a marvelous avenue that runs along the waterfront. It has lots of shops—and it offers a dazzling view of Mount Vesuvius.

Ernest: I read about it on the boat. Its volcano is still active.

Hedwig: I told it not to erupt during your visit.

Ernest (enjoying himself): You have much influence around here.

Hedwig: I am also open to bribery.

Ernest: What kind?

Hedwig: How about working beside you…in your laboratory?

(LONG PAUSE)

Ernest (warily): I don’t want trouble.

Hedwig: I will not give you any—

Ernest: Not from you…from them…it’s always them.

Hedwig: Because you are a “wild” American Negro and I am a virginal European female?

Ernest: Something like that.

Hedwig: I find it rather exciting.

Ernest: You have that privilege. I don’t.

Hedwig: You are no longer in Washington…it is Bella Napoli. (sensuous) Repeat after me…Bella Napoli.

Ernest (beat): Bella Napoli.

Hedwig: Magnifico!

(LONG PAUSE)

Ernest (forcing out his words): It might work out…it might.

Hedwig: I must warn you: I’m very demanding.

Ernest: I can see that already.

Hedwig (captivating laugh): We should get along fine.

(LONG PAUSE; SHE STARES INTENTLY AT HIM)

(LIGHTS DOWN)

End

 

 

 

About the Author

Steve Gold. New Jersey based. Plays: Women and Guns, Smash the State