Cuddlesmoke

by: Dane Futrell

 

 

Cast of Characters

X – (F)

Y – (M)

Setting

A sleek, modern apartment in winter. It’s snowing outside.

Time

9:30 PM

 

 

(X’s apartment. Highrise, thirty floors up. Y is leaning against the door. It’s bitter cold outside yet he’s sweating, blue from sickness, and looks like he came in with the wind. Lipstick on his cheeks. X is sitting down at the window, calmly smoking a cigarette as she looks out into the skyline. She wears a white leather glove on her right forearm. Y coughs.)

Y: What time’s he comin?

X: After he gets here.

Y: … You’re disgusting.

(Y coughs.)

X: Sure you don’t want some water before you go?

Y: I don’t need nothin ‘sides air. I hope my lips fall off in the cold.

X: Come back here, why don’t you, and—

Y: No. Later on, baby. Maybe I’ll see you in another life or—

X: Come here, and sit. We have a little time.

Y: Scraps.

X: I need a cigarette.

Y: How many have I given you, you think? Since I’ve known you.

X: I need another. For when this one’s done.

Y: Well. That puts you in a real pickle, don’t it?

X: No, I can go to the store and get them in bulk. For free.

Y: Sure.

X: And it’s not enough for them. They’d give me the whole store if they could.

Y: They like you down there?

X: They know me.

Y: They’d hate you if they knew you. Ain’t no store right now. Just you and me.

X: You keepin me here? In my own place?

Y: How about this. How about you apologize to me and maybe I’ll be so kind as to give you a cigarette before I leave. You can have a whole bunch.

X: Apologize for what, exactly?

Y: For making my heart feel full just so you can beat the shit out of it again.

X: Seems like you should be apologizing to yourself. I’ve never touched your heart.

Y: You’ve held it. Stomped on it. Smoked it.

X: (Looking out the window.) I’m real sorry.

(A moment.)

Y: That was the most fucking inauthentic apology I’ve ever heard in my life.

X: You asked for an apology. You’re welcome for—

Y: Well I assumed you’d mean it.

X: You assumed.

Y: I did.

X: Well that puts you in a pickle, don’t it? Don’t assume. Don’t be a donkey.

Y: (Almost aside.) It wasn’t an assumption, it was an expectation.

X: That you assumed I’d follow through on.

Y: I should be allowed to assume! I’ve touched every inch of you, there ain’t much I don’t know.

X: Why are you assuming, then?

Y: Because… Nevermind. I’ll see you later on.

(Y goes for the door.)

X: Don’t leave.

Y: There it is. There it is right there.

X: If you leave, then—

Y: “If you leave!” “If you leave!” You just beckon me back in.

(Light pause.)

Sailing my ship through the night and I hear you callin.

X: What do you want? You ain’t leavin, what do you want?

Y: I wanna hand you a cigarette, and then leave. That’s it.

X: Do it, then!

Y: Alright.

(He hands her a cigarette, then idles awkwardly.)

X: … Bye?

Y: I wanna watch.

X: Watch me smoke?

Y: I like when you inhale and blow the smoke in my general direction without even looking at me.

(X does just that. Y is in awe.)

Fuuuck…

X: Smoke one with me.

Y: I can’t. I’m quitting everything.

X: You’re quitting?

Y: That’s right. I’m quitting addiction. Full stop, cold turkey. As of today, I’ll never be addicted to anything ever again.

X: So… you’re not gonna come here and kiss me?

(Y immediately crosses and goes to kiss X.)

No, you’re not.

(Y immediately crosses back to the door as he mumbles.)

Y: No, no, no, of course not. I’m never gonna see it.

X: Always getting ahead of yourself.

(Y bangs his head against the wall.)

Y: God.

(He does so again. Again.)

Fuck you, y’know?

X: That’s his job, not yours.

(Y tosses the whole pack of cigs to her.)

Y: Here. Don’t say I never did anything for you.

X: I don’t want a whole pack.

Y: I’m sure people that drown don’t want to drown, either.

X: … What the fuck are you talking about?

Y: Take the pack.

X: I want like two. One for now, one behind the ear for whenever I’m in a bad way.

Y: I really tried to do something for you just now. All my life, I’ve never done anything for anybody. Maybe I got my dad the newspaper or something once. But that’s it. I haven’t done anything besides stand here and look at you. But today, I really tried to do something for you. I went to the little corner store over there, it was the smallest corner store I’d ever been in. I was the only one in there and it was still somehow so crowded. I bought you a pack of Camel Blues, the last one they had, because I wanted to give you something meaningful before I left.

X: Camel Blues.

Y: Something to remember me by. While I freeze to death outside your apartment.

(Y coughs horrendously again.)

Shit!

X: Take the edge off. I’m sure it would help the cough.

Y: I already smoked an entire pack before coming up here.

(A moment. Y sniffles.)

What?

X: You smoked an entire pack?

Y: There was a BOGO at the store.

X: Why would you smoke so many?

Y: Figured it would calm my nerves.

X: Alone?

Y: Hell yeah.

X: It’s ten degrees outside.

Y: I wanted some alone time, you know, before coming up here and ruining my life.

X: Let me get you some water.

Y: Don’t you fucking dare!

X: Huh?

Y: I’m giving up water, too.

X: Water and cigarettes?

Y: Man’s worst enemies! You did this, you know? You always do this. Sing to me with your words. Play games in my mind. You always do this!

X: I’m literally just sitting here.

Y: Gimme a cigarette.

X: You’re quitting.

Y: They’re mine!

X: I can’t let you hurt yourself.

Y: Ha! Let me smoke you, then. Let me take a drag!

X: You couldn’t take one hit of me. I’m potent.

Y: Then I guess I’d have to break you down, huh? With my fingertips. Pop off your filter, huff the menthol once, then stomp it into the blacktop. Then tear off your paper real slow, real methodical. Don’t want to ruin the shape of your insides, right? Toss the torn shreds paper out the window and into the wind, so I’m left with just your guts in my hands. The real you. Then I’ll mold you with my palms and crush you between em, so my hands still smell like you tomorrow. Then I’d crumble you up, and let you fall through my fingers like sand. Then maybe I’ll understand how potent you are.

X: Not sure if I have time for all that.

(X gets up, takes out a cigarette, and puts it in Y’s mouth. She lights it for him. He takes a huge drag and relaxes, seemingly for the first time ever.)

Y: Can I tell you something?

X: Sure.

Y: If you asked for the world, I’d put it on your doorstep in two business days. That’s how much these little moments mean to me.

X: Can I tell you something?

Y: Sure.

X: Get out.

(X goes and sits back down. She taps her foot a bit.)

Y: How close is he?

(A moment.)

Y: He been here before, or what?

X: He’s coming back to his rightful spot.

Y: His spot next to you?

X: He likes us spread out. Sometimes we’re here. Sometimes we’re in the kitchen. Sometimes—

Y: I don’t wanna sit in his wet spot.

X: It’s not wet yet.

Y: I’m gonna go.

X: You could.

(Y pulls himself up against the wall.)

Or you can come here and cuddle with me.

Y: I can’t have just a piece of you. I’d be looking for the rest of you for the rest of my life.

X: More pieces for him then.

Y: Why can’t I have all of you?

X: Because you are a tornado. He’s just rain. A drizzle.

Y: I feel like I’m gonna die.

X: You smoked twenty cigarettes in a row.

Y: As soon as I step out of this room, part of me is going to die. And I’ll have to keep walking away when I want to turn back. When I hear the door open again for somebody else, there’s nothing I can do about it.

X: It won’t even shut.

Y: I wish it was shut. Sealed. So it’s just you and I and no one else.

X: Can we be clear about something?

Y: No.

X: You showed up here sweating like a hog in the rain, begging to be sat down because you couldn’t walk right, thought you froze to death and came back, you were genuinely beyond pale. You were like blue. Like a blue deflating balloon with the words “HELP ME” plastered on it. Right to my doorstep.

Y: You weren’t busy, were you?

X: You can’t just barge into people’s houses, no matter how big your dick is.

Y: I didn’t mean to intrude, I just kinda wanted to get in here at any cost.

X: That’s not the point. Privacy is the point.

Y: I should absolutely learn to give you some privacy, shouldn’t I?

X: Yes.

Y: I should just leave you alone for good.

X: Yes.

Y: You want to forget me?

X: Well.

Y: No. No you don’t. Because then you couldn’t call me. You couldn’t give me the same phone call that brought me here. Saying please come help me, I’m in danger. There’s a man coming, and—

X: There’s no need for the concern. Everything’s just fine.

Y: I figured.

X: It is now, anyway.

Y: I imagine everything is just fine now that you’ve got your whole crew in town. In your perfect little world up here. Thirty floors up. Queen bee looking down at the ants of the world, stuck in their path, can’t break free. It’s all just some game to you, ain’t it?

X: Thanks for coming over tonight.

(Y almost laughs.)

Y: Is that it? Am I being dismissed?

(X opens her arms for a hug and lays on the bed.)

X: You’ve got one minute. Are you loving me or leaving me?

(Long pause. Y goes to X and flops down on the bed next to her. He brings her close. They lay together for a long time without saying anything.)

Y: Does he smoke?

X: Oh lord…

Y: Did you want two cigarettes earlier because you wanna give him one?

X: He doesn’t smoke. He’s straight edge.

Y: Give me a goddamn cigarette.

X: You’re addicted.

Y: I know. Hold me closer.

X: Alright.

(She does. They lay in silence.)

Y: Do me one last favor.

X: Alright.

Y: Roll me up.

X: … In the blanket?

Y: Please. So damn cold everywhere.

X: Okay.

(X wraps Y up in a blanket.)

Y: Can you make sure it’s nice and tight?

X: Baby. You gotta get outta here. We don’t have time—

Y: Just one more thing.

X: Am I gonna have to throw you out the window?

Y: Light me up. Smoke me.

X: What?

Y: (Meek.) … Smoke me away and toss me to the side.

X: Alright…

(X flicks her lighter and holds it to Y. He gets lit on fire.)

Y: So warm…

(A knock at the door.)

X: Shit.

(X hurries to clean up the ashtray, cigarettes, and other evidence.)

Y: Gotta get rid of me somehow, baby.

X: I know, I know.

Y: I’m telling you. Smoke me and let it end.

(X sweeps off the bed with her hands. Y falls off the bed and out of sight, still wrapped in the blanket. X bends down out of sight and returns holding the cigarette that Y has become. It’s beat up, got lipstick on it.)

X: No… I quit, too.

(X opens up the window. The chill enters immediately. She reaches outside and tears up the cigarette, letting it fly away into the winter night.)

Goodbye.

(X closes the window. She idles for a moment. Another knock at the door.)

X: Coming.

END OF PLAY

 

 

 

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