CHARACTERS (1M 1F)
Ann
Ben

TIME
Present.

LOCATION
Ben’s flat..

 

(We open in Ben’s flat. In reality you need one chair. The drinks can be offstage. The <<x>> in the script indicates swearing by the actor. Swearing is optional, and left to the actor’s discretion.)

Ann: You have a nice place.

Ben: Thank you. Drink?

Ann: Sure. What have you got?

Ben: I have gin. And I have gin. Sorry, I wasn’t expecting… I have tonic. Gin and tonic?

Ann: That’s very civilised. Got any lemon?

Ben: No. Like I said I wasn’t…

Ann: You seemed nice. You’ve been in before.

Ben: Yes. I like your.. You know.

Ann: My stripping? It’s ok to call it that. It’s what I do.

Ben: I was going to say dancing. You’re a really good dancer.

(Ben hands Ann a drink.)

Ann: (sips her drink) Goddam that is…

Ben: Yes sorry it’s an organic tonic water. It’s pretty strong. I can put more gin in?

Ann: No, it’s fine, just a lot more bitter than I’m used to. You trying to get me drunk mister?

Ben: No, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to give that impression, I’m really sorry-

Ann: It’s fine, it’s fine. Goddam you’re more nervous than I am.

Ben: You’re nervous?

Ann: That surprise you?

Ben: Yes.

Ann: Because I’m a stripper? What, with me getting naked for men every night I wouldn’t get shy with someone I kind of liked?

Ben: I’m sorry I’m making such a mess of this.

Ann: It’s fine. No seriously. It’s sweet. Look, I’m even drinking my drink. Damn where did you get this tonic water from?

Ben: Aldi. It was on special offer. Seriously, I could probably run out somewhere.

Ann: At this hour? It’s fine. Look, I’m getting used to it. Might even need a refill. Anyway, can’t let you go out there by yourself, the Black Widow might get you.

Ben: I don’t think that’s very likely.

Ann: Why not? We’ve got a bona fide serial killer and she preys on men.

Ben: Rich ones, so that’s me safe straight away.

Ann: I might be she. I might be the Black Widow.

Ben: I don’t think that’s very likely.

Ann: Why not?

Ben: She’s overpowered four fully grown men. She’s tortured four fully grown men to death. She’s strong enough to… oh god I’m making a mess of this again aren’t I? I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to insult you. She’s probably not even a real woman. Oh god. I should just not speak.

Ann: You should relax is what you should do. Take a deep breath. Come on, do it with me. My friend Laura, my only friend Laura. Stripping is not a sociable world let me tell you. Or maybe it’s just me. I think I need another drink.

Ben: I’ll get you a top up.

Ann: I haven’t seen Laura for over a week, you know? Her phone was ringing out for a while, now it just goes straight to voicemail.

Ben: Is she blocking you?

Ann: What are you trying to say about me? Phones do that when the battery goes dead.

Ben: So she’s lost her phone? Or abandoned it?

(Ben hands Ann a refill.)

Ann: Thank you kind sir. No I don’t think she abandoned it. Do you remember Laura?

Ben: Would I?

Ann: She danced for you. She said you were sweet, barely said a word.

Ben: Yes, I’m just not good at it. The talking to women. Talking in general really. Did you go to the police?

Ann: They weren’t interested. Stripper goes missing, hell who cares. Just another drifter drifting. You know she didn’t even put a next of kin on her employment form?

(Ann pushes Ben into a chair.)

Sit.

(Ann begins lapdancing Ben.)

You’re talking to me. You said you’re not good at talking to women.

Ben: You’re different. I feel more relaxed around you.

Ann: (takes a sip of her drink.) Do you remember Kandi?

Ben: No?

Ann: Really? She danced for you a couple of times. She got you chatting. No-one’s seen her for weeks.

Ben: Was Kandi the one with the extensions and the lips?

Ann: That’s the one.

Ben: I do remember her. I didn’t know she’d left.

Ann: Really? I thought you two were getting on really well.

Ben: She was nice but…

Ann: But?

Ben: You can tell when they’re only being nice for money. You’re different.

Ann: I am?

Ben: Yes, you’re not like them. You’re nice. They were just… oh god I shouldn’t talk, I really shouldn’t talk, I always make a mess of it.

Ann: Is that why you drug them?

Ben: What? No, I…

Ann: Oh Ben you’ve spiked my drink. What was it, medical morphine?

Ben: Oromorph. I figure you’re what, about sixty kilos?

Ann: (fixes him with a look) Maybe you should stop talking.

Ben: I’m sorry, I didn’t mean.. Oh god I always say the wrong thing. This is why I don’t want them to talk. This is why I just want them to lie still. You know?

Ann: So you overdose them? Give them the old respiratory collapse?

Ben: How do you know about…? That was the first.

Ann: What was her name?

Ben: I can’t remember. It was so exciting, her lying there, her not saying anything and not expecting me to say anything. I got really into it. Then I realised she wasn’t breathing. I thought there’d be a warning, a death rattle or something, but no, she just stopped.

Ann: What do you do with the bodies?

Ben: I can’t tell you that.

Ann: Oh come on, I can’t stay upright much longer, soon you’ll be taking your pleasure on my still body and then… what happens if they don’t stop breathing?

Ben: I smother them with a pillow.

Ann: Well aren’t you the fucking romantic?

Ben: How are you still upright?

(Ann takes Ben’s hand and places it on the back of her leg.)

Ann: Feel that?

Ben: It’s a scar?

Ann: In my hamstring.

Ben: Long head of the Biceps Femoris.

Ann: You’re a clever boy. First thing I thought when I looked at you was he’s a clever boy.

Ben: Oh god.

Ann: Can you guess where this is going?

Ben: Oh god.

(Ben tries to get up. Ann punches Ben hard in the gut. Ben falls back into his chair, winded.)

Ann: Sit down. Momma’s talking. I ripped my hamstring. Rookie error, I was young and innocent. Pain so bad I cracked a tooth from clenching my jaw. I was sobbing in the doctor’s office. He gave me opiates. I liked them, Ben. I liked them a lot. So I took them all. And he gave me a scolding, and he gave me more. And I took them all. So he cut me off. So a friend gave me some… I could tell you the whole sorry story but you know where this is going.

Ben: You’re habituated.

Ann: I’m habituated. Four years of my life down the great skag toilet, and what have I got to show for it? Two years of Narcotics Anonymous to get clean. I’ve been clean for nearly six years. Six years Ben, and then you come along and spike me. I’m still nearly fucking immune though. Sixty kilograms? Didn’t even touch the fucking sides. If this was a party you’d be a stingy host.

Ben: O god I’m so sorry I am I’m so sorry.

Ann: You stand up before I have finished talking and I will break your arm. For starters. Now, what do you do with the bodies Ben?

Ben: I can’t, if they find them…

Ann: They can’t be far away, you don’t drive. What do you do with the bodies Ben?

Ben: No seriously…

Ann: What does the Black Widow do to her victims Ben?

Ben: What? Oh god I don’t…

Ann: Come on, I’ve seen the rumours. Some of them are right.

Ben: You’re the Black Widow?

Ann: Let’s say yes just to move the evening along. What does she do with their eyes?

Ben: She gouges them out?

Ann: She gouges their eyes out. Do you know why?

Ben: She doesn’t like eyes? I don’t know, I’m sorry I don’t know!

Ann: Because of what they see Ben. Because of the look in them when they look at me and women like me. Not because of what I am, they don’t know me, but because of what they see. When I was on my knees giving a twenty quid blowie to a drunk city worker because I needed my next fix, I’d look up and see that look of contempt in his eyes, that look of piggy triumph. I hate that look Ben. I hate it. So I take it away.

Ben: O god.

Ann: What do you do with the bodies Ben?

(Ben jumps up and tries to escape. Ann punches him to the ground)

Ben: Oh Christ.

Ann: I’m a pole dancer Ben. I can do one handed pull ups. Can you do one handed pull ups Ben? I don’t think so.

(Ann punches Ben repeatedly until he’s barely moving. Finally she sits back. Ben is not giving up his information lightly, it’s been savagely beaten out of him.)

What do you do with the bodies Ben?

Ben: There’s a builders’ yard about a hundred yards from here. It’s over an old railway tunnel, sealed off when they closed the line in the 1920s. It’s mostly full of water now.

Ann: How did you know about it?

Ben: I’m from here. My dad used to work for the builder. I used to go down there after school. They used to dump rubble down the access hatch. It’s still there.

Ann: And they’re down there?

Ben: Yes.

Ann: All of them?

Ben: Yes.

Ann: Thank you.

Ben: Will you let me go now? I promise I won’t tell anyone.

Ann: Do you remember Laura?

Ben: Yes.

Ann: She was my friend.

(Ann gouges Ben’s eyes out.)

I don’t have many friends.

(Ann stands. She finishes her drink.)

I am flying tonight! Oh I am so going to need a meeting after this.

(Ann studies her handiwork for a moment)

Well Ben. As you’ve been such a very good boy I’m going to finish you off with my mouth.

(Ann bites Ben’s penis off. She stands, her mouth dripping with blood. She spits the severed penis into her glass then pops the glass in her bag.)

Thank you Ben, I’ve had a lovely evening.

(exit Ann.)

(Curtain.)

 

 

Props
One glass.
Stage blood.
A fake penis.

Notes
The first production of Birdseed used a fake tongue for the penis. It was mostly successful. The second production used a highly realistic “packer penis”.
Despite the content of the piece, the one consistent critique we had was “wasn’t gory enough”, “could have been gorier”. Audiences can be worrying.

 

 

 

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