The First Handshake
PLAYWRIGHT’S NOTE
It is highly though humbly recommended/suggested, that Kryzyztof
Penderecki’s eleven-minute plus “Polymorphia” be played
throughout as it starts with an almost silent intro that
gradually leads to a cacophony of bizarre, jarring sounds with
more intermittent silence, all adding to the play’s disquieting
tone.
Cast of Characters
WAITRESS (LAUREN). 20’S – 30’S. Bright and enthusiastic as
new employees usually are.
WAITER (RICK). 20’s – 40’s. Somewhat jaded and
fastidious veteran restaurant worker.
Place
Any city.
THE FIRST HANDSHAKE
SETTING: The walk-in of a restaurant.
AT RISE: A WAITRESS and WAITER set down empty boxes or
crates next to an already existing stack.
They wear white shirts with dark aprons.
WAITRESS
How did Bakunin marry a girl half his age–
WAITER
(straightening a stack)
Whew! That’s the last of the perishables.
WAITRESS
–and especially after losing his teeth in a Czarist prison?
WAITER
How did we end up doing someone else’s dirty work? I didn’t get
your name?
WAITRESS
Where’s the “questioning authority” crowd? That’s right,
marching to the beat of the drum.
(beat)
Oh, excuse my going on like this, I was thinking out loud.
WAITER
Speaking of older people, you know that lady that always sits in
the far corner table and orders Dom Perignon?
WAITRESS
I’m taking a political science class in college.
WAITER
She has the bad habit of speaking very close to people. Are you
even listening?
WAITRESS
Uh, I haven’t really noticed.
WAITER
Oh, that’s right. You’re new. The one that dropped the tray
today. Watch her next time she comes in. You can’t miss her.
WAITRESS
We’re in the people business. What do you consider “too close”?
WAITER
Too close is when you’re too close.
WAITRESS
Two feet, three feet . . . four feet, five?
WAITER
And she’s touchy feely with the wait staff.
WAITRESS
Tactile. Some people are just more tactile than others. Marlon
Brando was famous for being tactile.
WAITER
What universe are you from? People need to keep their hands to
themselves.
WAITRESS
People don’t usually mean anything by it.
WAITER
(kicking a box or crate)
She’s violating my personal space!
WAITRESS
Does it make you feel uncomfortable?
WAITER
Wouldn’t it make you feel uncomfortable? What if it was a guy?
WAITRESS
(rubbing hands)
This cold temperature is making me feel uncomfortable. We’re finished here, let’s go.
WAITER
If she worked here I’d tell her to back away.
WAITRESS
Out of all the cities I’ve lived in, none is more lonely than here. People don’t return a greeting and demand sooo much personal space.
WAITER
Speaking of which, this walk-in is small and narrow and we’ve already been here together too long. Plus, it’s damned cold.
HE moves to the door and pulls on the handle
but it does not open.
WAITER (cont’d)
What time is it, anyway? We should have clocked out long ago.
WAITRESS
You go out by yourself sometimes?
WAITER
Instead, we’re still in here dumping all the perishables because Crassman forgot to tell us earlier. What a waste of food!
HE pulls the handle with greater force, but
still, nothing.
WAITRESS
You know, people tell me I’m
crazy for going out by myself.
WAITER
(pulling a third time)
Goddammit! How many times did I tell Crassman to get this
handle fixed?!
WAITRESS
Can’t people go out alone? Meet other people?
WAITER
(checking pockets)
I don’t even have my pocket knife on me to jiggle the mechanism.
WAITRESS
If men can go out to eat or to the movies alone without criticism, why can’t women? It’s not like something’s wrong with us.
WAITER
Do you have a screwdriver on you? No, you wouldn’t have a
screwdriver on you. A hairpin? Do women still use hairpins?
WAITRESS
Once this guy followed me a short distance in his car. At first, I didn’t know what to think
—-
WAITER
(whipping out cell phone)
I’ll have to call Crassman. Once I called him while he was getting
rimmed! Man, was he pissed!
WAITRESS
–but soon it turned out all he wanted was to introduce himself and ask my number. That was all!
WAITER
(after a pause, making call)
Aw, shhhit!
WAITRESS
You can’t get a signal in here.
WAITER
NO!!!
HE pounds and kicks the door.
WAITER (cont’d)
Can you here us?! Can somebody hear us out there?! Carlos?! Jessica?! Anyone?!
WAITRESS
Everybody’s probably gone home by now. They left early. We’re the last ones.
WAITER
Mmmaybe the alarm company will notice that we haven’t set the
alarm for tonight?
WAITRESS
Maybe.
WAITER
Why, sure. They’ll notice that our alarm hasn’t been set.
WAITRESS
I sure
hope so.
WAITER
Then they’ll either send a security patrol car, call Crassman, or PD.
WAITRESS
Probably, yeah.
WAITER
(putting away phone)
One of those three will show up.
WAITRESS
(grasping her upper arms)
Whoever it is, I hope they hurry!
WAITER
I should’ve brought my jacket–
WAITRESS
Me too.
WAITER
(pounding door)
–but I didn’t think I’d be stuck in the walk-in with you, freezing my butt off!
WAITRESS
Neither one of us did.
WAITER
If the alarm company is doing its job, someone should show up
soon.
WAITRESS
(drawing closer)
Let’s just . . . let’s just hope they come real soon.
WAITER
(stepping back)
How do you get to work?
WAITRESS
My mother sometimes gives me a ride, but she’s out of town this weekend, so I took the bus. I’m saving up for my own car.
WAITER
And I walked today because I need a new radiator , so that means
that when they show up, my car won’t be out there for them to see. Great!
WAITRESS
I wasn’t even scheduled. The shift supervisor called me in.
WAITER
What a trooper! Take a bullet for the company! Why didn’t you place a fucking box or something to keep the door from closing?
WAITRESS
Well I didn’t know! I’m new here.
WAITER
(after a pause)
Sorry I yelled, miss. This is all Crassman’s fault! He should have had the handle fixed long ago when we first told him. H e’s the worst manager I’ve ever worked for in my six years here.
WAITRESS
Someone should have.
WAITER
When I get out of here, I’m going to take him to court for criminal negligence or something. You with me?
WAITRESS
(looking up at a vent)
Let’s try to get out of here first.
WAITER
((clutching his upper arms)
Damn, it’s bone – chilling cold! And I’m from up north!
The WAITRESS points to a temperature gauge
near the door.
WAITRESS
The required temperature is supposed to be between thirty –
five and forty- five degrees. We’re on the lower end.
WAITER
That fucking figures!
WAITRESS
(indicating vent)
There’s a small vent up there which means though the air is
freezing, at least we won’t run out of oxygen.
WAITER
Thank God for small favors! How the hell long are we going to be in here? We don’t even have one of those bucket emergency toilet seats in here!
WAITRESS
Uh, I don’t think anyone would store a bucket emergency toilet seat next to Reishi mushrooms
WAITER
(pounding door)
Open up! Someone out there?! Come on!
WAITRESS
You forgot one thing.
WAITER
What?
WAITRESS
The restaurant is closing after tonight until further notice. Tomorrow we’ll be unemployed, along with millions of others. No one’s going to be here in the morning–or this weekend.
WAITER
No! I think the alarm company will still pull through once they realize something’s wrong. Crassman could still show up. What about the Spanish- speaking family that comes in to mop and buff the floor once a week? Someone.
WAITRESS
We have to rely on the alertness of others, like you said. Otherwise, no one will come looking for us.
The WAITER stretches HIS arms and does jumping-jacks. On the fourth HE stops suddenly.
WAITER
Hey, did you hear that?
WAITRESS
Yeah, that was just the heater in the dining area shutting down.
Dismayed, the WAITER places HIS open-hands on the wall and pounds on it.
WAITER
This is all solid. Aluminum- plating over stainless steel. No one can hear us from here.
WAITRESS
(wiping away a tear)
N-no.
WAITER
I could jump into a pit of hot coals right about now.
HE turns and slides down the wall to the floor.
WAITRESS
Maybe we should try not to think about how cold it is. The WAITER sits with HIS knees bent up and wraps HIS arms around HIS legs, resting HIS chin on HIS knees. HE rocks HIMSELF back and forth to generate a little body heat.
WAITER
Wha-what happens now?
The WAITRESS sits down next to HIM,
wiping away another tear
and SNIFFS.
WAITRESS
Wait, I guess. Wait.
WAITER
(dispirited)
For what?
WAITRESS
To be rescued . . . or whatever comes our way.
WAITER
I’m having a little trouble breathing.
WAITRESS
Breathe only through your nose.
WAITER
Why is this happening to us?!
WAITRESS
Don’t know. An accident? Dumb stupid bad luck? Murphy’s Law? Some cruel, twisted karma for our parents?
WAITER
Wha-what do they call it when people freeze to death?
WAITRESS
I can’t think right now. Hypochondria. I think. No, hypothermia . I knew there was a “hypo” in there somewhere.
WAITER
What happens in hypothermia? Does it hurt?
WAITRESS
I don’t know all about it, but your body’s temperature drops. That’s why the Greek “hypo.”
THEY are now pressed against each other, shoulder–to–shoulder. Shivering.
WAITER
Does it hurt?
WAITRESS
I don’t know if it hurts, but I think our organs shut down.
WAITER
Like a computer?
WAITRESS
One by . . .
WAITER
Oh, God!
WAITRESS
. . . one . . .
WAITER
D-d-do you believe in an afterlife?
WAITRESS
(suddenly sleepy). . . until we . . .
WAITER
I’m not going to see anyone ever again! Am I?
WAITRESS
(sleepy). . .slowly drift away . . .mother, are you there?
WAITER
Te-tell me your name? I’m sorry, I-I don’t think I ever got it.
WAITRESS
(after a pause, more alert)
Lauren.
WAITER
N-nice to formally meet you, Lauren. Welcome to our team of servers. I’m–
WAITRESS
You’re Rick. I know. Nice to formally meet you . . . Rick.
The WAITER slowly extends HIS right hand. With a weak smile, the WAITRESS takes it.
WAITER
May this be the first of many handshakes to come. They shake.
LIGHTS SLOWLY DIM
END OF PLAY.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
John Molina is an instructional assistant, tutor, and playwright living in California, known for “Rude Dog” (Faultline Theater, 2001, “Older Man Seeks Younger Woman” (North Park Vaudeville & Candy Shoppe, 2004, and “Our Mission Statement or: What a Bunch of Crock” (11th Annual North Park Playwright Festival; 2013 and Honorable Mention, Show Off! International Playwriting Festival, 2015). He has had seven short plays produced in the annual North Park Playwright Festival in San Diego, CA. His latest ten-minute play, “The First Handshake,” was named a finalist in the fifth annual 2021 Stage It! Ten-Minute Play Festival and published in April by the Bonita Springs Center for the Arts, Bonita Springs, FL.
This piece was published in April 2021 by the Center for the Arts of Bonita Springs, Bonita Springs, FL, as a Finalist in the Stage It! 5 Play 2021 International 10-Minute Play Festival.
