SCENE ONE A man, CHARLES, (60s), in a clown outfit, pops out from KID (VOICE) BOO!! YOU SUCK!! BILLY THAT BALLOON ISN’T EVEN AN ANIMAL! Charles mood immediately dies and CHARLES It’s a snake balloon…Billy. It. Is. A. Snake Balloon. BILLY DO A DIFFERENT ANIMAL! CHARLES (VISIBLY FUMING) What’s…wrong with snakes?…Billy? BILLY IT LOOKS LIKE A PIECE OF PO/OP! CHARLES You know what Billy?! YOU’RE A LITTLE PIECE OF SHI- Charles is interrupted by his boss, QUINN SHINING LIGHT! Charles the Clown here was just saying you’re a little piece of shining light, Billy. Hold up kids, just give us one moment. Quinn pulls Charles to the side. QUINN Damnit Charles how many times have we talked about this? CHARLES Whats a matta with ya? The kid’s a little asshole. QUINN Maybe so, but you can’t argue with the kids. CHARLES Look here girlie, I know yous new and yous think this job is rainbows and sunshine. But lemme tell yous somethin, I’ve been in the business for 30 years and it is war out here! QUINN War with who? The fucking kids?? CHARLES No…with the brats. QUINN Okay, Charles, whatever. Sure. It’s a war. But if it’s a war, you need to center yourself and fight it better. CHARLES I neva claim to bes a good soldier. QUINN Charles! Be seri- Quinn smells Charles’ breath. She QUINN Oh my go…are you? ARE YOU DRUNK?! Charles pulls out a flask. CHARLES Wells the cats is outta the bags. QUINN DO NO- Charles takes a very lengthy sip CHARLES WOOHOO! See this is the good shit. Let’s get back out theres, I’m ready to handle the brats with my bulletproof vest of pure vodka. QUINN This can’t be real. Quinn frantically steps away to QUINN (ON PHONE) Hello…yeah Susan, it’s Quinn…yeah okay, we’ll handle it later, are there any clowns on the clock right now?…Okay, great! So I ne-…What do you mean?…What the fuck do you mean Frank is drunk in the lounge??… CHARLES Oh shit is that Frank?! Tell that clown he owes me money for that beer! QUINN You’re kidding…Alright, alright, I’ll figure it out, Thank you Susan…Yep…Alright…Uh huh…BYE SUSAN! Quinn aggressively hangs up the QUINN Looks like we’re on our own, alright Charles just, just quit drinking. And uh…get some water! We go back on in 10. CHARLES Oh yeahs, I can totally sobers up in 10 minutes. QUINN Okay good. Quinn frantically walks off. SCENE TWO 10 minutes after the previous scene, same set up as the CHARLES Howdy kids! KIDS (V.O.) HI CHARLES!! CHARLES I know yous was all disappointed. About the uh…the uh… snake balloon. I still think it was really cool, honestly I think you all just don’t know good ar- Charles stops talking when Quinn CHARLES Sorry, sorry. Gots ahead of myselfs. Anyways, I’m gonna blow your little minds with this next act. Watch as I rides a tri- a- a tricyle thingys. Charles runs off stage left and CHARLES TA-DAAAA! The crowd is silent. CHARLES Oh…oh I sees how it is. You kids only find my pains amusing is that its? That’s how its is huh? You know whats? Yous is all no better than my ex-wife. Shes was laughin at all my pain toos. AWKWARD BEAT CHARLES Yous know what?! Can I gets a volunteer person? Any of yas! Don’t bes shy, maybe I’ll gives yous a lolipap thingy mabob if yous do. After a beat, BILLY is seen walking CHARLES AA! BILLYYY! MY MAIN MANS BILLY! My favorite little shi- Quinn pops out from the curtain CHARLES …Shining light. Or whatever it was. Charles pulls out two chairs from CHARLES How yous doing todays Billy? Enjoying ya special day? BILLY I want a lolipop. CHARLES (ANNOYED) Well…sit down and maybe you’ll get one. Billy sits down on the chair CHARLES Alrights Billy, for this act, yous gonna help mes improv the funniest moment from my lifes. BILLY Okay! CHARLES So, would yous like to play me or my DISGUSTING ex? BILLY Uhhh… CHARLES Me it is! Alrights let’s begin. BILLY Ok- CHARLES (MOCKING HIS EX) CHARLES! WHY YOU IN THE DAMNS CLOWN OUTFIT AGAIN?! BILLY Um we- CHARLES YOU RUINS OUR LIVES WITH THIS CLOWNS SHIT! WHEN YOUS GONNA GET A REAL JOB?! FRED WAS A BETTA MANS THAN YOU’LL EVER B- Quinn hastily walks on stage. QUINN OKAYYYYY!! Thank you, Charles, for that incredibly improv. (TO AUDIENCE) Well guys, it’s time for cake, so go in the party room down the hall and go enjoy some cake okay! We’ll see you guys back here in 30 for our big finishing act! Kids running, doors swinging, and a QUINN What was th-…Are you seriously smoking right now? CHARLES Oh yes, wheres my mannas done gone. Would yous like a hit? QUINN NO! CHARLES Your loss. QUINN Charles what are you doing?! This is actually ridiculous you have ruined this whole event! CHARLES Come on! Yous bein a little over dramatimatics, the kids are lovin the show. QUINN What the hell was that whole shit about your ex? CHARLES Oh don’t yous even talk about that, yous ruined that act. The kids were LOVIN that shit. Charles blows smoke in Quinn’s QUINN PUT THE CIGARETTE AWAY! Charles drops the cigarette on the CHARLES I mean, me’s and KAREN’s relationships was comedy gold. QUINN Charles, please, just try to get through today without anymore incidents. CHARLES Whys this clown shits so important to yas anyways? Charles sits down on the floor. QUINN All my life this is what I’ve wanted to do. I’ve always wanted to bring kids joy, this is my stepping stone, this is my chance. But at every single turn you damn clowns make this the hardest experience of my life. CHARLES HA! What could ever make a soul CHOOSE to dos this shit that isn’t stupids or dumb? Charles pulls out his flask and QUINN You! Charles…clowns like you. I had nothing growing up, my life was a mess! I mean, like, a real mess. My dad was in prison, my mom was working all the time I-I barely even saw her! Everything felt hopeless, I got to some seriously bad spots mentally. CHARLES Don’t wes all? Charles lays on the floor and QUINN Yeah…But one day, we had a clown perform at our school. He was so funny, like really funny. Most fun I’ve ever had. And Charles sits up, now with a more QUINN When he saw me like that, he didn’t ignore me. He kneeled down next to me and he asked what was wrong. I couldn’t even QUINN (cont’d) get the words out, I just hugged him… and he stayed in that hug as long as I needed, until I let go. CHARLES Damn kid, I- QUINN And you know, I’ll never forget what he said (SNIFFLING) “No matter how hard things get, no matter how hopeless life Charles looks down, visibly QUINN Bozo the Clown…I’ll never forget him. So I just, I really want to make this work. I can’t…I can’t lose this. This has been my dream. CHARLES Alright… QUINN Alright? CHARLES If we’re gonna dos this, it can’t bes me. QUINN Why not? CHARLES Because I’m fucked ups outta my mind, kid. It’s gots to be yous. QUINN ME?! I-I-I don’t know how to do this clown stuff! CHARLES You can dos it, you gots spirit kid. Yous seen enough of this shit to do the job. QUINN I don’t…are you sure? CHARLES Nevers been more sure. Charles suddenly drops the clown SCENE THREE Same set up as the last two scenes, audio is heard of the QUINN Hey kids! Charles the Clown had to go do important clown business, so he called me! Uhh…Blinky the Clown, to finish this out for you guys! Kids are heard somewhat sighing but QUINN Alright kids! Check this out! Quinn pulls out a balloon and turns QUINN You like that?! Well how about a joke?! KIDS (V.O.) YEAH! QUINN Which city is ruled by clowns?…HONK-KONK! Kids are heard laughing. Quinn goes QUINN For my last act, I’m gonna need a volunteer! It only seems fair that I get ummm… Quinn scans the audience until she QUINN Well, it only seems fair we do the birthday boy! Come on up bud! After a beat, Billy is seen walking QUINN Have a seat buddy. Billy sits in his chair and looks QUINN (QUIETER) Hey, what’s going on bud? BILLY I don’t wanna talk about it. QUINN That’s okay…you don’t have to, but it might help if you did. Billy looks up at Quinn. BILLY I-I really really like this girl in my class. But, but she didn’t come to my birthday. QUINN Aw, I’m sorry bud. I know that can be hard. But can you do something for me? BILLY Yeah? QUINN Look around this room, at all the people who showed up for you today. Billy scans the audience and a QUINN Remember, it’s always more important to share the laughs with the people present, than to give tears to someone absent. Billy smiles. QUINN And remember… Quinn pulls out a lolipop and hands QUINN Blinky the Clown is always here for you. Billy takes the lolipop and QUINN OKAY KIDS! That’s all for today! I hope you had a great time and I hope to be seeing you all soon! KIDS (V.O.) WE LOVE YOU BLINKY! Billy smiles at Quinn before he CHARLES “I don’t knows how to dos this clown stuffs” my ass. You’re a natural. QUINN Thank you, you think that saved today’s show? CHARLES I don’t knows, I fuckeds it up bad. Charles sits down next to Quinn on QUINN That, you did. Quinn sits down next to Charles. QUINN I mean, how many laws did you break today? At least 5 right? CHARLES (CHUCKLING) Yous bein generous…at least 12. Both laugh. CHARLES I gots to say, “Blinkys the Clown” thats was a good name. QUINN Thank you, I came up with it on the spot. CHARLES Yeah…Yeah I’s remembers my fakes clown name before this shits became my life. QUINN Oh do you? CHARLES Yeahs… (TO HIMSELF)Bozo the Clown, quites a good name. Quinn looks at Charles, shocked and CHARLES What can I’s say?…I had dreams once too kid. After a beat, Quinn jumps up and CURTAIN. About the Author
The Laughing Stock
behind a wall at center stage. He holds up an air horn,
blaring it off. He throws a balloon forward into the
audience.
he gets pissed but tries to hide it.
QUINN (30s), walking onto stage.
takes a few extra sniffs, appalled.
from his flask.
call the business.
phone and turns to Charles.
Charles looks at her leave, then
chugs from his flask after she is
gone and falls over.
previous scene. After a beat, Charles stumbles onto stage
left and does a goofy clown pose when reaching downstage
center. Kids are heard cheering.
peaks out from the stage right
curtain. Charles waves his handing
at her, signaling her to go away.
comes back a moment later with a
tricycle. He runs to center stage
and attempts to mount onto the
tricycle but falls before even
managing to get on, all the kids
laugh. Charles gets back up and
tries again to ride the tricycle
around, he does somewhat decent
though is clearly uncoordinated.
The kids don’t laugh. Charles gets
up and hits another goofy clown
pose.
on Stage Left.
again.
stage left and plops them down
facing at angle, partially at each
other and partially at the
audience.
slightly stage left. Charles sits
on the stage right one.
bunch of murmuring is heard as the
kids leave the room. Charles pulls
out a cigarette and begins smoking.
Quinn looks at Charles.
face.
floor and starts stomping it out.
Spinning upperbody around because
he’s drunk. Quinn paces.
attempts to drink it but starts
shaking it realizing it’s empty.
starts laying like a star.
then…he noticed me. He actually noticed me, he was the first person in that school to actually notice me. He called me down and he tried to make jokes and the usual, but I was so overwhelmed at being noticed that I-I-…I just started crying. I don’t know why, I know it makes no sense.
empathetic look on his face.
(MORE)
seems, remember to always make time for laughs. And remember, there’s always one person in every room you enter that sees you.”
conflicted with many emotions.
outfit off his body, revealing a
sweaty white tanktop and sweaty
shorts underneath. Lights out.
children re-entering the auditorium. After a beat,
Quinn steps out in Charles’
clown outfit and nervously steps to downstage center.
mostly neutral.
her back and is able to shape it
into a dog. She turns back to the
audience and lifts it up in the
air, throwing it out to the crowd.
The kids are heard cheering.
off stage and grabs the tricycle.
She gets on it and rides it around
stage honking her air horn. All the
kids laugh loudly. Quinn puts the
tricycle back and comes back on
with the two chairs.
notices something and gets an
empathetic look on her face.
onto stage with his head down,
visibly distressed.
down.
little smile grows on his face.
Billy looks back at Quinn
it to Billy.
silently gets up and hugs Quinn
tightly, Quinn hugs him back,
getting emotional. Just then, a
bell is heard. Quinn doesn’t leave
the hug until Billy is ready to.
Billy finally lets go.
runs off stage. The sound of many
kids running out of the room and
laughing is heard. Charles walks
back on from stage left, this time
with a water in his hand.
the floor, leaning his back against
the chair. Charles takes a sip of
the water.
baffled but it turns into a smile.
Charles looks at her.
hugs Charles where he is sitting.
Charles sits, looking surprised for
a moment before he reaches around
and hugs Quinn back. Lights out.
Braden Williams is currently a second year student at UVA. He’s been doing theatre since his Junior Year at Amherst County High School. He’s been in plays at UVA and next semester he will be directing a script he wrote for the Drama Department. He’s always had a passion for created stories and he started out by making series on Youtube with his action figures. He’s always had the belief that stories and especially plays are a mirror into our deeper truths and help us realize who we really are.
