by: Maeve Aurora Chapman TIME Present day. 9:30ish pm. Tuesday. PLACE A trendy restaurant in Williamsburg, Brooklyn. CHARACTERS ARDEN | Twenty–seven years old. Big heart, often caught in her head. TATUM | Mid–late twenties. Slowly forging his own identity. A NOTE ON CASTING While the play is written with specific genders, Arden and Tatum can be played by any gender. This play is not about ‘boy meets girl’ but about two basically–strangers having a little pocket of life moment. ACT 1 SCENE 1 Lights up on a relatively nice restaurant. Across the stage is a large table, with ten places set each with name cards. On the center of the table sits a cake with ‘2’ and ‘7’ shaped-candles sitting on it. The restaurant is modern-vintage, very Williamsburg, and very much not budget friendly looking. ARDEN, mid-twenties, sits at the center of the table. She looks gorgeous. Every detail of this outfit has been carefully planned and masterfully executed. A mostly empty bottle of red wine sits besides her. She checks her phone. Pours what remains of the bottle into her recently emptied wine glass. Checks her phone. Up stage right, TATUM, mid-twenties, enters. He wears a Yankees baseball jersey and cap, jeans, and sneakers. Not very Williamsburg- chic. He carries a CVS bag. At the sound of footsteps, ARDEN looks up. She smiles in relief, she might cry. She stands and turns to face TATUM. Smile falters. ARDEN Oh, uh…hi? TATUM Uh, hey! Happy Birthday, Arden. ARDEN …thanks! TATUM Sorry I’m so late, I uh…Yeah, sorry. ARDEN It’s fine. Don’t worry about it. Awkward pause. TATUM Did I miss it or...? ARDEN ...It’s more of a come when you want, leave when you want type of thing. TATUM Oh...nice. Another awkward pause. TATUM Is the night like over? Because I can just go, it’s on me for being late. ARDEN hesitates. ARDEN No uh, sit. Please. TATUM Thanks. TATUM goes to sit then notices place cards. ARDEN Anywhere is fine, really. ARDEN watches in awkward horror. TATUM Nah, don’t worry. Wouldn’t want to mess up your system. ARDEN quickly swipes the name card off. ARDEN Here is great. TATUM ...cool, thanks. TATUM crosses stage right and sits. TATUM holds out the CVS bag. TATUM Uh, happy birthday. ARDEN Thanks. That’s so sweet. ARDEN takes the CVS bag and crosses center stage and sits. Awkward silence. ARDEN Sorry, um, about the place setting thing I just...well, honestly I didn’t think you’d come. TATUM You invited me. ARDEN I invited a lot of people. But it’s not–...I’m happy you’re here, Tommy. TATUM Tatum. ARDEN Ha ha. Sorry, too much wine. Tatum. Tatum. Tatum. TATUM All good. More awkward silence. ARDEN takes a large sip of wine. TATUM You did invite me. ARDEN Yeah, but I didn’t think you’d actually show up to a stranger–you–spent–three–hours–on–Amtrack–with–Birthday. TATUM I can go, I’m not trying to make you uncomfortable or anything– ARDEN NO. Stay. Please. It’s not that I didn’t want you to come, it’s that I thought you wouldn’t. It’s a happy surprise. Here. ARDEN pours a glass of wine for TATUM. TATUM Thanks. Uh, how’s your dog doing? Ewok, was it? ARDEN It is, thank you yes he’s doing really well. He’s finally mastered ‘paw’ so that’s good...Uh...how’s your...cat? TATUM Cat, yes. Daphne. She’s good. I have to brush her teeth now which is about as hard as it sounds but I think she’s starting to accept it. ARDEN Cute. ARDEN takes a large sip of wine. TATUM I, uh, yeah. My partner Jayden, well, I guess...ex, uh he used to help me but I think Daphne and I have our system down now. ARDEN nods distractedly, sipping her wine. TATUM It’s not all that bad, brushing her teeth I mean, not living alone. ARDEN You can go. If you want. I’m not like keeping you hostage here. TATUM I uh– ARDEN stands, surveying the empty table. ARDEN It’s okay. You can say it. NO ONE’S HERE. No one came to my birthday party. ARDEN sits, deflated. Embarrassing. ARDEN Please, just go home. TATUM I...No one came? ARDEN Jesus fuck, you don’t need to rub it in. Yes, no one came to my birthday. TATUM Damn, I’m sorry. That sucks. ARDEN Yeah, I’m like the kid in elementary school with no friends except now I’m twenty–seven goddamn years old and fifteen people responded ‘yes’ to my Partiful. So. Yeah. TATUM lifts his glass out to ARDEN. TATUM Cheers to twenty–seven years. And to getting new friends. ARDEN Tatum, I’d really like to go home now. TATUM raises his glass even higher, insistent. TATUM Arden. ARDEN This is so pathetic. They toast. They sip. They sit. TATUM So. Um. Do you have any goals for twenty–seven? ARDEN Like what? It’s not New Years. I’m not gonna run a marathon or whatever. TATUM No, I know but like...I feel like birthdays can be a catalyst for personal metamorphosis. If you want it to be.You know, like sometimes you just need to give something ceremonial weight to take it seriously. ARDEN I guess. TATUM Like...for instance, last night I slept on the left side of the bed. ARDEN ...Cool? TATUM That’s Jayden side. Was his side, I mean. He always liked to be next to the wall, which I did too but whatever he wanted you know, so in our apartment that was the left. And it’s not like...I mean I would sit there during the day. Obviously, it’s not like the left side looked any different than the right but it’s the arbitrary choices and innate preferences that make us human. Right? I knew every one of those little details about Jayden. Sometimes I feel like I loved so many different pieces of Jayden that I forgot how to love him as a whole. Uh, anyway, what I’m trying to say is celebrate the small things. And romanticize everything if that’s what’s gonna help you get shit done. Sorry. ARDEN What was today? TATUM What? ARDEN All that about ‘ceremonial weight’. What was today, then? TATUM Oh. It would have been our three year anniversary. ARDEN Fuck. TATUM Yeah. But I did it. I actually slept pretty well. ARDEN I sleep like shit. Do you know what I do? I scroll through my own Instagram. TATUM That’s kind of sweet though. It’s the sad, modern version of a scrap book. ARDEN That’s a nice way to put it. I think it’s just depression. TATUM Maybe so. ARDEN But I feel like...so disconnected from the twenty year old me who was posting all those selfies. I never post those now. TATUM Too much work. ARDEN And I feel like I don’t even remember the thirteen year old me who would post for everyone’s birthday. Feed post. With a whole sappy caption and everything. I used to post photos of my friends and all the stupid shit we thought was the funniest thing in the world. TATUM I hate people that report all their birthday story posts. Like we get it, you’re popular. Shut up. Um, unless you do that. Nothing wrong with some confidence. ARDEN No I...I mean I don’t do that but I couldn’t anyway because no one posted me to their story. My friends texted me but I’m not worth celebrating...publically, I guess. TATUM Maybe just delete Instagram. Honestly. ARDEN My best friend and I, in college, used to do these really weird and amazing photoshoots. She made me feel beautiful. I mean really like...I felt so...I don’t know. TATUM Here’s to being alone. ARDEN Tell me about it. TATUM What happened? ARDEN Guess. TATUM Hm... TATUM stands and moves down the table. TATUM Headache. ‘Train troubles’. Early work meeting. Bird flu. Dead dog. Tongue hurts. Kidnapped by Scientology. Broken toe. Forgot. And...witness protection program. ARDEN Wow, yeah totally nailed it. TATUM It’s a gift. ARDEN No, I’m not...mad at any of them. I think adult life is just...more lonely. And little boring life things have more impact than I thought they did. TATUM sits. ARDEN stands and circles the table, diagnosing as she goes. ARDEN Headache. Work kept her late. Chemo treatment. PATH is down. ‘Busy’ Had to go home for her dad’s surgery. ‘Busy’ Work. ‘Busy” Extremely depressed. TATUM Not too far off. ARDEN Cheers to adulthood. TATUM And inevitable isolation. They cheers. ARDEN I’m glad you came. Obviously, I didn’t think you would but I’m glad you did. TATUM Me too. Sorry it’s not too ‘Birthday’–y but– oh. You could open your present. ARDEN Sure. Why not. ARDEN reaches in and pulls out a Yankees cap. ARDEN Wow. Uh, thanks. You really like the Yankee’s. TATUM Ha, oh no actually I...Well, I was supposed to go on a date today. A Tinder date. To a Yankees game, which I’ve never done before but this guy was cute and wouldn’t be too bad for a night I thought so Yankees game it was. His pick. But I got there early, like embarrassingly early and realized I had dressed in Mets colors so I bought this shit. But then I saw him and I... It can’t not be Jayden for me. Not yet. So I ran. Basically. ARDEN Oh my god. So I was right to not make a place card for you. TATUM Excuse you, I’m the only one here. Sorry. ARDEN No, it’s true. I think life’s just lonelier as an adult. TATUM Sometimes. But maybe that makes the little moments...better? More impactful? ARDEN I think I can learn to look at life like that. TATUM Me too. TATUM Are you gonna talk to your friends again? ARDEN I mean of course. I’ve ditched birthdays before, I probably will again. And it’s never anything personal to them, life is just...tiring. I just didn’t expect everyone to bail. TATUM Fair enough. ARDEN Are you gonna text Jayden? TATUM ...I don’t think so. Maybe the world is bigger than I thought it was. ARDEN I think so too. I feel like I’m...metamorphasizing. Like...I’ve done two full cycles of who I am and I’m at the beginning of my third evolution. TATUM Like a Pokemon? ARDEN Yeah. Sure. Why not. TATUM Why not. ARDEN Maybe life will be better the third time around. TATUM Maybe it will. (Gestures to the cake) Shall we? Birthday girl. ARDEN No singing. We can just eat cake. TATUM Deal. END OF PLAY About the Author Maeve Aurora Chapman has directed her original work Home’s Kitchen (World Premiere, NOCCA, Broadway DNA), A Woman of No Importance (Central Square Theater Cambridge), & Vera, or the Nihilists (Emerson College.) Her film credits include Coda (Actor, Oscar Winning Best Picture). Maeve’s work focuses on LGBTQ+ rights, the meaning of home, and emotional abuse. She is the Founder and Artistic Director of The Dyon Collective & an associate member of the Stage Directors & Choreographers Union and the Dramatists Guild.
Life Will Be Better the Third Time Around
Uh, sorry, I can’t, uh seem to find mine...
I guess living alone isn’t that bad now that it’s been a month but, uh Daphne’s been a real champ about it and I’m sure when the vet sees her teeth she’ll be so proud–
It’s sad and pathetic and you don’t have to pretend like it’s anything else. You’re sweet to come, even if you are an hour and a half late, but I think we should just call it. No one is coming. I just want to go home.
Love that for me.
I mean, at least three times a week. It’s my Instagram. I know what’s on it.
But she’s in Denver now with her husband and pregnant so obviously we are on different life paths.
It’s nothing exciting.
But I couldn’t go home because I knew I would just call Jayden so I had to go somewhere and then I got the reminder notification for this and...yeah.
I thought I couldn’t turn up empty handed.
I probably won’t have a birthday party again. But I forgive them.
